Sunday, March 18, 2018

Wilkie Collins's missing person

Here's a fun trivia question for anyone who's as big a fan as me of the works of Wilkie Collins - he was strangely fond of giving supporting characters in his novels a title of distinction coupled with an unusual surname starting with "Ben". Scattered among his books you can find Father Ben----, Doctor Ben----- and Captain Ben------. Anyone who can fill in the blanks and name the books deserves a special prize, which I'll provide once I've looted it from a revered Indian idol. I'll provide the answer below, after a brief spoiler-space filled with ramblings about 1860s English literature, so if any genuine Collins-lovers happen by this blog, look away now, until you've remembered the answer.

When it comes to Victorian fiction, I think I'm what the people back then would call "modern" in my tastes - I can do without Charles Dickens, in fact, but if I'm ever exiled to the Desert Island Discs island, I'd have to take some kind of mega-compilation of the entire works of Wilkie Collins and Mrs Henry Wood. The two of them comprise everything you really need to read if you want the best writing of that particular era. I don't know if either of them would have wanted to be grouped together like that - Mrs Wood especially, who in her late-1860s editorial reviews in the Argosy magazine was repeatedly rude about Collins and the "sensation" writers he inspired. She certainly didn't consider herself to be one of that breed, and is probably turning in her grave at the way most modern commentators (if they mention her at all) lump her in with those types. And of course, those reviews couldn't have been anything to do with the way her own brief star was in decline at that point, while his was shining ever brighter and brighter. Anyway, one thing I'm going to do one day, maybe, eventually, is a fully detailed analysis and commentary blog dedicated to the Johnny Ludlow stories. Look forward to it, if I ever have the time and energy to write it!

But to return to Wilkie and his Bens, the answers are the scheming Jesuit Father Benwell in "The Black Robe", the horrible (but strangely likeable) vivisectionist Doctor Benjulia in "Heart and Science" and the entirely nice and benevolent Captain Bennydeck in "The Evil Genius", who comes back at the end of the book and marries the wayward girl.

In that respect, Captain Bennydeck is another of Collins's recurring themes. He shares more than just a rank with the unfortunately-named Captain Kirke in "No Name"; they both also share the extremely common plot function of the good man who is absent from the main action of the story (for virtuous, self-denying, heroic reasons, of course), only to return at the climax and sweep the heroine off her feet. Bennydeck, in fact, is at least a presence throughout the book even when he's not around; Kirke makes just a brief token appearance early on, before popping up at the end and providing the happy ending. The whole trend started with Walter Hartright in "The Woman in White", but Collins revisited it over and over again in later years.

The one I find particularly strange, is the good man who doesn't return! There's something a bit strange about the novel "Man and Wife", and I don't mean Wilkie Collins's obsession with marriage laws or the evils of sports (a subplot in the book repeatedly asserts that anyone who participates in athletic events will inevitably die young of complete physical breakdown and also become an evil, immoral villain), it's the disappearance of Mr Kendrew.

To summarise the story briefly, it starts with a prologue - two women, Blanche and Anne, swore eternal friendship as children despite the difference in their social class. Blanche married the baronet Sir Thomas Lundie and had a daughter also called Blanche; Anne married the horrible cad Mr Vanborough and had a daughter also called Anne. The prologue describes an eventful evening's conversation between Vanborough, his friend Mr Kendrew and a lawyer, Mr Delamayn. Delamayn confirms that due to a legal loophole, the Vanboroughs' marriage is invalid. This pleases Vanborough, who wants to forge a parliamentary career for himself and wants a wife with better connections, who'll help him attain his eventual goal of a peerage. He heartlessly discards Anne and their daughter without any compunction, much to the horror of Kendrew, who ends their friendship immediately. How Kendrew, a decent, moral, principled man, became friends with Vanborough in the first place is unnarrated, and just has to go down as one of life's mysteries.

The second part of the prologue then briefly summarises what happens to everyone over the next twelve years. Anne dies, naturally - a broken heart was always a fatal condition in Victorian novels. Blanche (Lady Lundie) takes young Anne into her household as young Blanche's governess and companion. Lady Lundie later dies, leaving Sir Thomas to remarry before dying himself and thus giving the rest of the novel a comic-relief supporting character in the second Lady Lundie. Vanborough marries Lady Jane and enters parliament, but doesn't prosper simply because nobody likes him. Delamayn also enters parliament, prospers wonderfully and eventually is made Lord Holchester. Vanborough eventually commits suicide.

And as for Mr Kendrew, the prologue goes into detail about him too.

"How the husband’s friend marked his sense of the husband’s treachery has been told already. How he felt the death of the deserted wife is still left to tell. Report, which sees the inmost hearts of men, and delights in turning them outward to the public view, had always declared that Mr. Kendrew’s life had its secret, and that the secret was a hopeless passion for the beautiful woman who had married his friend. Not a hint ever dropped to any living soul, not a word ever spoken to the woman herself, could be produced in proof of the assertion while the woman lived. When she died Report started up again more confidently than ever, and appealed to the man’s own conduct as proof against the man himself.
He attended the funeral—though he was no relation. He took a few blades of grass from the turf with which they covered her grave—when he thought that nobody was looking at him. He disappeared from his club. He travelled. He came back. He admitted that he was weary of England. He applied for, and obtained, an appointment in one of the colonies. To what conclusion did all this point? Was it not plain that his usual course of life had lost its attraction for him, when the object of his infatuation had ceased to exist? It might have been so—guesses less likely have been made at the truth, and have hit the mark. It is, at any rate, certain that he left England, never to return again. Another man lost, Report said. Add to that, a man in ten thousand—and, for once, Report might claim to be right."

And then we go into the real action of the book. It can be summarised pretty quickly - Geoffrey Delamayn, second son of Lord Holchester, grows up to be a celebrated sportsman and unspeakable cad. He gets young Anne, virtuous governess who just has that one little moral lapse, "in a scrape". She insists that he marry her; he doesn't want to; she threatens to kill herself; he grudgingly agrees to a private marriage. She goes to take a room in an inn nearby, presenting herself as a married woman in order to get a room. Geoffrey is supposed to join her there and make an honest woman of her, but is suddenly called away by news that his father is ill. He sends his friend Arnold (also young Blanche's fiance) to the inn to explain things. A storm forces him to spend the night there, claiming to be Anne's husband. When Geoffrey finds out that this maybe, possibly, means that Arnold and Anne have got married under Scottish law, he's delighted and uses this as a good excuse to abandon her.

The main characters - Geoffrey, Anne, Blanche, Arnold and Blanche's uncle Sir Patrick Lundie - then fill the required length of a Victorian three-volume novel by running around at cross-purposes for ages and ages, always telling each other everything except the one important piece of information they need to know in order to take a sensible course of action and resolve everything. The novel then redeems itself at the end with an absolutely wonderful climax, real edge-of-your-seat stuff of the type that only Wilkie Collins could produce, following which the good end happily and the bad unhappily, and Sir Patrick marries Anne. Old men marrying young women was a good thing in those days, except in the works of radical moaners like George Eliot.

But where's Mr Kendrew? Surely the prologue is setting things up for him to be the one who comes back to marry poor Anne in the end? He's never mentioned again after that prologue, and instead Sir Patrick (who isn't mentioned at all in the prologue) fills that role. I think Wilkie Collins just made a mess of the prologue somehow, assigning the wrong roles to the wrong men - in the main story, Sir Patrick's legal knowledge and background is an essential part of the plot, while Lord Holchester (the former Mr Delamayn) shows no traces of ever having been a lawyer, being just a grumpy old peer with a scoundrel for a son. I'm convinced that he intended the lawyer of the prologue to go on to be the lawyer of the story, only to realise after the prologue had been published (the novel was serialised in Cassell's Magazine) that he'd somehow turned the lawyer into Geoffrey's father and the layman into the potential future husband of Anne. What an unfortunate cock-up, but never mind. Take another draught of opium, Wilkie, and invent someone new. Sir Patrick.

I know this isn't the kind of writing Wilkie Collins is famous for (indeed, he was widely derided by his fellow authors of the late 19th century for actually knowing how his novels were going to end before he started to write them!), but he was still a Victorian writer, and he wasn't above making it up as he went along if he had to. "Armadale", as John Sutherland explains at length in one of his wonderful essays, was obviously written on the fly without the extensive planning that Collins preferred. "Jezebel's Daughter" is even more glaring - he tries to write it as the personal witness testimony of the narrator, but after half a novel of David being present at every important event and conversation, seeing and hearing everything on both sides of the villain's schemes but telling nobody what he's witnessed, Wilkie seems to realise how stupid the whole thing is and packs David off back to London, saying that the rest of the novel he knows from reading people's diaries in later years. It's not very good, that one - we could even leave it out of my Collins/Wood compilation if we wanted to save a bit of paper. "Man and Wife", though, I recommend to everyone - if you haven't read it, do check it out and see if you agree with me about the strange case of Mr Kendrew...

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Saturdays like they used to be

What do you think I've been doing all day today? Well, I'll tell you, we won't make it a guessing game (because you'd probably guess no end of appalling things, I know what you're like). I've spent all day doing practice runs of each and every discipline from the upcoming Canadian Open! Yes, all ten of them! I shudder to think how long it's been since I did a full national-standard memory competition in one day. It's the kind of thing that doesn't happen much nowadays; people tend to split the real events over two days, unless they're very cool people like the organiser of my Friendly Championships.

But in days gone by, I used to happily spend an entire Saturday doing memory training. It would more usually be the hour disciplines, but let's take things one step at a time. My scores were pretty terrible, and by the time I'd got to the spoken numbers my brain was absolutely good for nothing, despite which I'm happy about today. I haven't actually done any paper-based memorising since the French competition last year, not even in training. In fact, looking at my handwriting in the words discipline, it occurred to me that I never write with a pen any more! Paperless offices, emails, phones, they take away your ability to write. I need to practice my penmanship a little before I get to Canada, just to make sure my words are halfway legible.

Once I get to Canada, incidentally, I need to find a way to get from Edmonton to Westlock. It's 45 miles, apparently, but Westlock doesn't seem to welcome visitors who use public transport - the internet suggests the best thing to do is get a bus to a middle-of-nowhere place nearby and then a taxi the rest of the way. I'll see if I can hitch a lift with a competitor or passing lorry-driver. I don't really want to go to the trouble of hiring a car and having to remember what side of the road they drive on in Canada.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Back to school again

I don't mention nearly enough that I went to school with Robert Webb. It's an important claim to fame, you know. Nobody's heard of any of the things I've done, but everyone knows the one from Peep Show who isn't David Mitchell. But the point is, I've just been binge-watching "Back", starring Mitchell and Webb, on 4OD, having discovered at the weekend that the series exists (I don't watch telly nowadays, you know), and I absolutely love it! It's absolutely hilarious, and I urge anyone who hasn't yet heard of it (ignorant fools though they obviously are) to go and check it out!

I went to school with that one there, you know.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Meltdown!

As well as splashing out on plane tickets this month, I treated myself to something I really should have bought long before now - the collected edition of "Meltdown Man", the under-appreciated series that appeared in 2000AD in 1980-81. It came up in conversation with my brother recently, and I just had to get it to remind myself how cool it was. It's a real classic - tough SAS sergeant Nick Stone (remember the SAS-worship of the early eighties? Comics were jam-packed with tough SAS sergeants!) is caught in a nuclear explosion and finds himself flung into another world, where humans rule with eugenically-enhanced animals as their slaves. He gets straight to work setting things to rights.

For fifty consecutive issues, writer Alan Hebden handled the difficult task of fitting a weekly adventure into just four pages of comic (you have to get a lot of action into each page to do that!), aided by the downright awesome artwork of the type that only Massimo Belardinelli could produce. Two hundred pages of this kind of thing, all under one cover!
Honestly, it's that good, you can stare for hours at the artwork, even after getting through the epic storyline (complete with extremely weird and unsatisfying ending) - just look at the effort that's gone into that bottom panel!


 Belardinelli, seen here eating his synthetti while drawing Tharg's latest commission, was probably the greatest art robot ever to grace the pages of 2000AD. It's only in recent years that people have started to really rave about how good he was; maybe it's just the unappreciated-in-his-own-lifetime effect - he died in 2007, had retired long before the internet came along, and at his peak he never got the praise that some of the other droids did. Maybe it's because he was part of the furniture of 2000AD from the start, but took a while to warm up - he's there in the very first prog (indeed, the only creator credited in the first issue, having had the sense to write "Art - Belardinelli" on his artwork!), drawing the Dan Dare strip that was intended to be the main feature. He got the job not by being particularly good, but by being Italian; it was a lot cheaper to hire European artists than British ones back then. His first work is quite bland, but on Meltdown Man he really came into his own, and showed what a flair he had for drawing weird creatures!


There's Nick Stone on the far left, with the eyepatch, along with just a few of the other characters Belardinelli drew over the years! But his real talent wasn't characters themselves, it was the insane amount of little details he'd cram into every single picture - some artists only look good in colour, but Belardinelli was the old-fashioned type who was at his best when just using a whole lot of black ink on newsprint.

Splundig Vur Thrigg!




Wednesday, March 07, 2018

Whither Canada?

As I've mentioned once or twice before, Alpha Flight is an all-time favourite comic of mine. And the localities the superheroes visit in the course of their adventures have always been on my "I must go there some day..." list.



So when there's a memory competition announced in Westlock, Alberta (not too far away from Edmonton), I can't help jumping at the opportunity to go there and meet the rapidly-growing Canadian memory community! The championship is on April 7th, I'm going to fly out there a few days before and see the sights of Edmonton, it'll be great! It's been quite a while since I did this kind of thing with the competitions in New York, not to mention quite a while since I went anywhere exotic and expensive, but my paying-off-my-debts campaign really has reduced them to minimal levels by now, so I don't mind splurging this once and taking another month to get totally financially stable.

I can't believe I've never been to Canada before. I've been all over the place, you'd think I would have found a reason to visit before now.

Friday, March 02, 2018

The path the others wish to go has been obscured by drifting snow

Wow, twice in one winter we've had huge deep snow! It's the kind of thing that gives me a good excuse to say "when I were a lad", because when I were a lad you could count on getting days like this once a year, and in really exceptional years it would stick around for weeks. Nowadays, it's much more exceptional.

I don't mind snow so much when it's thick and soft underfoot like this - the problem is when it's packed solid and icy, so you can't walk anywhere without falling down. On my way home from work on Wednesday night, before it had really started coming down thickly, I was walking down the hill and pushing my bike rather than trying it the faster but more lethal way, and slipped on the ice and fell down in a heap. But my knees, which I can usually rely on to do horrible things any time I move them unexpectedly, were perfectly okay with it, so maybe I should be a bit less careful of falling down in future.

I've been working from home the last two days, anyway, which is a very boring way to spend your time, especially if you're trapped in the house with no snack foods. I've got plenty of real food, but if I haven't got a bag of sweets in the place, I feel well and truly starved. So I've been out to the corner shop tonight to stock up, and it's a real wade-through-the-snowdrifts kind of a walk.

Still, the BBC weather solemnly promise me that by Monday it'll be 5°C and not a snowflake in sight, so maybe I'll be able to go to work in the morning without too much ice and mayhem.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Internationals

Another reason I need to play more othello, which I forgot to mention in my blog yesterday (to be fair, I wrote it after coming back from the traditional Saturday night Indian meal, which I also forgot to mention, but was very nice and came with booze) is that talking with Emmanuel and Matthias over lunch, we established that they've been to more countries for othello reasons than I've been to for memory-related things.

I think my total is 14, including the UK - Ireland, Spain, France, Germany, Austria, Sweden, Turkey, USA, Brazil, China, Japan, Malaysia, Bahrain. Are there any others I've forgotten? I bet there are. So I should definitely try to play the other EGP tournaments and add places like Poland and the Netherlands to my mind-sports passport-stamp collection.

In any case, today wasn't very spectacular for me, although it started out okay with a very fun and complicated game against Benkt which I was probably losing all the way through but felt like it could have gone either way and ended up 33-31 to him. I then beat Remi Tastet, son of Marc, and lost not too heavily to Tom, leaving me on five points and hopeful of getting to six and beating the 50% target I always aim for at these things. But then I made a complete pig's ear of my final game against Bruce, and was completely slaughtered, to finish on only five, and well below the half-way mark.

1:  10.  pts [903]   TASTET Marc (2) {FRA}
  2:   8.  pts [911]   BERG Matthias (5301) {DEU}
               [855]   WETTERGREN Niklas (150009) {SWE}
               [831]   LEADER Imre (79) {GBR}
  5:   7.5 pts [840]   KORTENDIJK Albert (5012) {NLD}
  6:   7.  pts [874]   EKLUND Oskar (150016) {SWE}
               [840]   SCHOTTE Tom (2795) {BEL}
               [825]   PLOWMAN Guy (320) {GBR}
               [814]   LAZARD Emmanuel (11) {FRA}
 10:   6.5 pts [862]   KASHIWABARA Takuji (839) {FRA}
               [727]   FREIBURGHAUS Kim (150060) {SWE}
 12:   6.  pts [838]   LEVY-ABEGNOLI Thierry (3598) {FRA}
               [805]   PRASEPTYO Linda (5159) {NLD}
               [792]   ROSSLER Daniel (70002) {DEU}
               [762]   KYTE Bruce (2078) {GBR}
               [759]   STEENTOFT Benkt (1301) {SWE}
               [751]   SNEEK Marcel (5083) {NLD}
               [680]   MURAWSKI Stefan (5324) {DEU}
 19:   5.5 pts [818]   DE GRAAF Jan C. (4012) {NLD}
 20:   5.  pts [734]   JOHANSSON Erik (1493) {SWE}
               [729]   PRIDMORE Ben (4019) {GBR}
               [669]   TASTET Remi (50053) {FRA}
               [661]   BRAND Richard (2341) {GBR}
               [646]   WIDMAN Linnea (150055) {SWE}
               [642]   PLOWMAN Luke (2069) {GBR}
               [610]   PLOWMAN Mark (100027) {GBR}
 27:   4.  pts [682]  -JORDAN Yvette (2093) {GBR}
               [599]   KLATTEN Linda (120116) {NLD}
               [586]   TASTET Sophie (50081) {FRA}
               [559]   BRAND Sophie (100026) {GBR}
               [547]   PLOWMAN Jessie (100029) {GBR}
 32:   3.  pts [539]   BRAND Henry (100023) {GBR}
 33:   2.  pts [500]  -JORDAN David (100040) {GBR}
               [483]  -PLOWMAN Anya (100037) {GBR}
 35:   1.  pt  [466]   BRAND Lucy (100025) {GBR}

That gave us a final between Marc and Matthias, a third-place playoff between Niklas and Imre, and a children's final (new innovation!) between Remi and Mark (Luke doesn't count as a child any more; I forget what the age limit is but he's all grown up nowadays). I'm sure these games have happened by now, but I had to leave to get the train (and rail-replacement-bus between Leicester and Nuneaton) back here.

But there'll be more othello to come this year! It's my latest resolution!

Saturday, February 17, 2018

The old combination

"You don't remember me?" said Matthias Berg, who is a) someone I've met multiple times before now, and b) a really big deal in the world of international othello tournaments. "Of course I do," I lied unconvincingly, "I'm just making sure to ask everyone's name, because you know what my memory's like..."

Yes, it's the delights of the Cambridge International, the awesomest othello competition on these shores every year, attended by a whole host of Europe's finest players! And after the slight awkwardness of me having to get everybody's entry fees and pretend that I know who they are, it's a whole lot of fun! 35 players in all (you can see them all listed below if you want to keep up with the gossip), and other people hanging around but not playing included Adelaide, David Beck, Akke-Lien and assorted other Plowmen and Brend (that's the plural of Brand), making it a crowded gathering in the Old Combination Room at Trinity College.

We've got stylish new trophies, thanks to the generosity of the manufacturer, as well as the perpetual trophy, which needs a tiny bit of updating (the winner of each year is inscribed on a little shield - the winners from 2001-2008 are on temporary paper shields, after that they're not on it at all) but is still extremely groovy!

I was drawn against Erik Johansson, who I genuinely hadn't met before, in the first round, and managed a 40-24 win even though I hadn't played for so long. Then I was comprehensively beaten by Daniel Rößler and Matthias before lunch at the usual really nice university cafeteria. But in the afternoon, I won three out of four; beating Jan de Graaf, Linnea Widman and Marcel Sneek, with the only fly in the ointment being a tremendous thrashing by Takuji Kashiwabara in round 5.

At one point I had a proud 100% win record against Takuji, having beaten him in 2003 and then never getting drawn to play against him again. I don't remember if it was still going until today, but it's definitely gone now.

But that leaves me on four wins out of seven, with another four rounds of swiss to play tomorrow, and I'm just slightly above the half-way point on the leaderboard!

 1:   6.  pts [497]   EKLUND Oskar (150016) {SWE}
               [449]   TASTET Marc (2) {FRA}
  3:   5.  pts [501]   BERG Matthias (5301) {DEU}
               [459]   SCHOTTE Tom (2795) {BEL}
               [458]   WETTERGREN Niklas (150009) {SWE}
               [449]   LEVY-ABEGNOLI Thierry (3598) {FRA}
               [432]   LAZARD Emmanuel (11) {FRA}
               [424]   LEADER Imre (79) {GBR}
  9:   4.5 pts [475]   DE GRAAF Jan C. (4012) {NLD}
               [391]   FREIBURGHAUS Kim (150060) {SWE}
 11:   4.  pts [433]   PRASEPTYO Linda (5159) {NLD}
               [418]   PLOWMAN Guy (320) {GBR}
               [409]   ROSSLER Daniel (70002) {DEU}
               [398]   KYTE Bruce (2078) {GBR}
               [383]   STEENTOFT Benkt (1301) {SWE}
               [371]   PRIDMORE Ben (4019) {GBR}
               [351]   TASTET Remi (50053) {FRA}
 18:   3.5 pts [441]   KASHIWABARA Takuji (839) {FRA}
               [387]   KORTENDIJK Albert (5012) {NLD}
 20:   3.  pts [390]   JOHANSSON Erik (1493) {SWE}
                       SNEEK Marcel (5083) {NLD}
               [353]   KLATTEN Linda (120116) {NLD}
               [344]   WIDMAN Linnea (150055) {SWE}
               [325]   TASTET Sophie (50081) {FRA}
               [321]   BRAND Richard (2341) {GBR}
                       MURAWSKI Stefan (5324) {DEU}
               [317]   PLOWMAN Mark (100027) {GBR}
               [311]   PLOWMAN Luke (2069) {GBR}
               [291]   BRAND Sophie (100026) {GBR}
 30:   2.  pts [336]   JORDAN Yvette (2093) {GBR}
               [285]   BRAND Henry (100023) {GBR}
               [269]   PLOWMAN Jessie (100029) {GBR}
               [253]   PLOWMAN Anya (100037) {GBR}
 34:   1.  pt  [252]   JORDAN David (100040) {GBR}
               [248]   BRAND Lucy (100025) {GBR}

I really need to play more othello. I think I might make this my new project - applying memory techniques to the game, and seeing how much I can memorise! We'll see how it goes...

Friday, February 16, 2018

Last minute dot com

Having found out I don't have to do something else this weekend (it's a something else I might hopefully be able to tell you all about, some time), I'm on my way to Cambridge for the othello EGP tournament! Barring unforeseen delays and things that stop me getting there, anyway. But it's good to be back in the othello world - maybe I'll make a proper effort to play more, and go to all the regionals this year!

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

A very memorable person

Rest in peace, Grandma. It was a very nice funeral, exactly what she would have wanted - thanks to Pam for arranging everything.




Saturday, February 10, 2018

The League


You've probably heard me mention it once or twice before, but the place to be right now (if you're at all interesting in competitive memorising) is the Memory League.

It's a place for fast-paced head-to-head memory contests where the aim is to remember cards, names, numbers, images or words faster and more accurately than your opponent. The super-cool thing about it is that you can watch what's happening in people's games live, as they flick from one thing to another in the memory time, and fill in the gaps in the recall. And chat live with other watchers and players too! Seriously, there's no cooler memory thing in the world at the moment.




There is also, naturally, a league championship. It's divided into divisions, with the usual promotion/relegation from one season to another, so whatever your level, you get regular matches against people of the same kind of ability. Each player chooses their three favourite disciplines, and have a six-discipline match (with the option of playing a seventh if it finishes 3-3 and both players can agree on a final decider discipline). It's great fun for everyone! Let's have a look at how division 2 is shaping up lately:

After some wrangling and debate before the start of the season, it was agreed that you can't go straight into division 1 if you didn't play in the season before, even if you're among the best players in the world. So we had four new people who are amazingly good joining division 2 from the four corners of the world (if you arrange the map in a really weird way so that the four corners are all in Asia or eastern Europe), and they're dominating things right now. The top two get automatically promoted, the next two play off against division 1 players, and it's anyone's guess which of Yanjaa, Alex, SC and YeBo will make it into the top two.

Below them, there's a right old ding-dong among the remaining twelve of us - there have been some epic matches! I'm playing Clay tomorrow, and really want to get a win, to pull me away from the relegation battle. Come along and watch, 4pm GMT!

Saturday, February 03, 2018

The need for speed

Among the many people I admire in this world are the ones who do cool things with old video games. Here's a wonderful YouTube video chronicling in minute detail the things people have done to shave a fraction of a second off their time in a Super Mario Bros speedrun. It's awesome.




Incidentally, although Sonic the Hedgehog is better than Mario in every way, Mario's more fun to do speedrun things with. But the point is, this is exactly the kind of thing people do with the speed cards memory record, except it's all happening in our heads instead of on a TV screen for everyone to see. We definitely need to invent some sort of mind-projecting device if we're ever going to make memory competitions as cool and popular among the nerds of the world as it deserves to be!

Monday, January 15, 2018

The Magic Sphere

According to Blogger's stats page, I've had absolutely oodles of pageviews in the last day or so, directed at the Hourman-themed post from last November. It makes me nervous when people read my blog like that. I don't really write these things in any kind of expectation that people will read them. What if it's a horde of American lawyers? Lots of people write that kind of thing about comics on the internet, and they often bandy about phrases like "brief excerpts for review purposes", which apparently makes everything okay, but I still worry. I'll just convince myself it's an invading horde of robots. Nobody's scared of robots.

Friday, January 12, 2018

It feels like a long time since the first one

I don't think I could calculate how long it's been, in fact. But the Mental Calculation World Cup is still going strong! Here's the invitation to compete, if you want to test your brains!

Mental calculators from all over the world are invited to the 8th Mental 
Calculation World Cup 2018!

The Mental Calculation World Cup 2018 will be held in Wolfsburg, Germany
========================================================================

Venue: Science Centre Phaeno (http://www.phaeno.de)

Date: 28-30 September 2018

Contest Details:
Calculators will have to solve tasks in different categories (addition, 
multiplication, extracting roots, day-of-the-week calculations) and 
various surprise tasks.
Only strict mental calculation (no tools, no writing down of 
intermediate results) is allowed.

Prizes:
There will be several titles and trophies for the best participants.
In particular, the MEMORIAD Association will sponsor free flights to the 
MEMORIAD 2020 competition (planned to be held in Dubai, USA) 
(http://www.memoriad.com) for the winners in the categories addition, 
multiplication, square roots and calendar calculation as well for the 
winner of the combination.
(does not apply for participants who are not allowed to enter MEMORIAD 
contests according to decisions of the MEMORIAD Association).

Registration:
The registration form can be found on the MCWC web site 

Calculators who already took part at a previous MCWC event are welcome 
to send the application form by e-mail to info@recordholders.org.
First-time participants please download the entry form on the MCWC web 
site. Please send it by airmail together with the documentation that is 
necessary for qualification to the address given in the form.
Please note that we have a tough qualification (with usually far more 
than 40 people registering). Calculators who took part in one of the 
previous years may want to send additional documentation about their 
recent results in the same way as the first-timers (by airmail with all 
the paperwork) in order to have better chances in the qualification.

Deadline for Registrations: 1 June 2018
You can help us with the organization if you register soon.

Qualification:
The number of participants is limited to 40. If more people register for 
the event, the organizer will select the participants who qualify. For 
this purpose, information about previous results at mental calculation 
events (achieved in the past ten years), other mental sports contests 
and verified achievements with the Memoriad software 
(http://memoriad.com/memoriadsoftware.asp) are taken into consideration.
The results achieved should be documented (category, number of correct 
answers, time) and sent together with the application form. These 
results must be confirmed by a witness with some background in mental 
calculation (for example a maths teacher or a university researcher who 
works in a field close to mathematics).

Organizational stuff:
There is no entry fee, but participants have to pay their travel 
expenses. We will publish hotel recommendations soon enough on the MCWC 
web site.

Please contact us soon enough if you need a formal invitation letter for 
visa purposes. Keep in mind that in some countries visa formalities can 
take a long time!

More information can be found on the web site:

Contacts:
If you have any questions on the MCWC, please contact me at 

I am looking forward to meet the world's best calculators in Wolfsburg!

Ralf Laue

Sunday, January 07, 2018

I should get some kind of prize

I was just about to go to bed for an early night, when I remembered I hadn't written a blog entry, and if I did that, then I'd break all kinds of world records for keeping new year's resolutions. So now I've accomplished a whole week of daily uninspired short paragraphs, I can rest easy and not write anything more for whole months at a time if I feel like it.

Saturday, January 06, 2018

This looks like a job for...

There's a news story doing the rounds that someone involved with one of Stan Lee's charities has stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars from The Man himself by means of forged cheques, and really, I don't think they've thought it through. Everyone knows that Stan Lee created all the cool superheroes, but of course Spider-Man and all his amazing friends are basically nice people, and just have bad guys locked up in jail - what people forget is how many cool superVILLAINS there are out there who owe Stan Lee a favour for bringing them into existence! You don't want to steal money from a guy who can just phone up Doctor Octopus and say "Hi, Otto, it's Stan. Remember how I created you and gave you those cool mechanical tentacles and all? I need someone to teach a thief a little lesson..."

There's some people you just don't want to mess with.

Friday, January 05, 2018

Lucky numbers

I'm happy to report I'm now through to the last 65,536 in the Fantasy Premier League Cup (I know you were all fascinated when I mentioned it last). This is a lucky number for elderly users of Excel spreadsheets, and I'm sure that just saying "65536" gives all the old-fashioned number-crunchers out there a happy nostalgic glow. The rest of you will be left in the dark, but don't worry, you're not missing much.

Thursday, January 04, 2018

The munchies

I haven't got any sweeties in the house. It's not even as if I'm hungry, I've already had my dinner and there's the materials to make some more if I wanted. But I have a particular craving for those rocky road bites they sell at Tesco, and I might have to venture out into the night just to buy a snack. Does that make me some kind of stereotypical American-TV drug addict?

Also, why isn't "the munchies" a thing for British-TV drug addicts? I feel like there could be some kind of universal truth revealed if I unravelled the answer to that mystery, but maybe that's just the drugs talking...

Wednesday, January 03, 2018

Memory Leaguing

The new online memory league championship is well underway, and I think I'm going to see if I can make a real effort to go to the actual real live competition in Sweden in April. I keep saying I'll go to memory competitions in Sweden if I can, and then never actually getting there for one reason or another. I definitely owe Gothenburg another visit!

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Telling it like it is

If there's one thing that's always been missing from memory competitions, it's high-quality animated cartoons about what it's like to compete in them! But this has been well and truly remedied in the last few months by Joo Sang Jo on Facebook - there really should be some kind of website hosting them, but I think all I can do is urge you to join the World Memory Championships group and see them there.

If you've ever been to a memory competition, you'll know all about the feeling of sitting between two super-fast memorisers at speed cards, or the purgatory of waiting through 550 spoken digits before you can write down the paltry few you managed to memorise... it's genius, it really is.

Monday, January 01, 2018

A new year again

It's getting silly now; before we know it, it'll be 2020, and that's a year that's unquestionably the future. The Machine Man comics that were backup strips in Transformers in 1985 were set in 2020, and in another couple of years they'll be historical documents set in the past.

Anyway, I really should make a resolution to post more regular blog updates. Quantity is, in every case, better than quality, so I'm going to make an effort to post something every night, until I next forget or simply can't be bothered. Look forward to it!

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Keep on running, keep on hiding

At the risk of sounding like a stuck record (by the Spencer Davis Group), I really really love the new Runaways comic from Marvel, and I urge you all to go out and start buying it, if you didn't do that a couple of months ago when I told you to. Long-time readers of my blog (or else readers who know how to read my old posts or type things in the Search box) will remember that eleven years ago I was always saying how great I thought Runaways was and how terrible it was that the Brian K Vaughan / Adrian Alphona era was coming to an end. Well, now under Rainbow Rowell and Kris Anka, it's essentially back! And better than ever!

Seriously, it's as if the glory days of Runaways are here again - not achieved by resetting the whole thing and ignoring everything that's happened to the characters since 2007, but by showing that their many experiences (some of them really badly written and not recommended at all) have changed them, and building on the whole thing in perfectly in-character and fascinating and entertaining ways. They've grown and developed (and died and come back to life a few times each, as is the way with superheroes) and now they're moving on in exactly the way they should. I love it.

Friday, December 29, 2017

Played by the dexterous, understood by the poindexters

I play Fantasy Premier League, in a not very serious kind of way - I'm not even in a league or anything, so I'm basically just competing against myself. But they do a thing every year called the Cup, in which random players are paired off against each other in a knockout competition over the last 22 weeks of the season, and I'm on a real cup run this year.

Through an unprecedented series of pairings against people who just picked a team at the start of the season and forgot about it, my heroic and well-thought-out squad selections have got to round five (the last 262,144!), so I'm starting to dream of holding aloft the imaginary trophy at the end of the season. Trouble is, this time I'm up against somebody who still is actively participating too, so it's going to be tricky.

What do you think? Should I go for some less obvious choices? I feel like I'm being too boring here. I should pick someone who's never played in their life, but is just waiting for the moment when the rest of the team drop dead unexpectedly to come into the squad and take the world by storm. And should I ditch Wayne Rooney? He's only going to call in sick again so he can enjoy his new year holiday...


Incidentally, if you do want to post a comment here, you'll have to have a registered account now. Sorry, but it seems that the robots of the world have learned how to tick the box and say they're a human without exploding from the contradiction. Darn those robots, they're getting too clever.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Deep and crisp and even


Proper snow out there today! Keep it up, and I can be snowed in all winter - as long as people keep delivering food to me periodically, and the internet connection stays solid, I'd be fine with that.

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

The Augmented Memory Championship

So, I was in Lancaster University, giving a keynote speech on "A Mnemonist's Perspective on Memory" at a memory-themed workshop last week. I mumbled my way through a five-minute talk directed at an audience of science people (all of them with PhDs and probably loads of the extra special secret kind of qualifications you get after a PhD if you're really clever) and then resigned myself to two days of being bewildered by clever science-people ideas about memory that would mean nothing to me at all. But as it turned out, we spent the second afternoon making things with pipe-cleaners, coloured paper and other primary-school craft supplies, so they'd obviously geared the whole thing to my own level of intellectual development.

But while there, I found out that the Creative Arts building has two 'pods' outside it in the scenic woodland across the footpath from the main building (which is itself very scenic, with a wooden bridge over a moat to get to the front door, and lots of ducks). The pods (used as meeting rooms) are circular domes, little things just able to accommodate a central round table with seating around it for maybe six people at a squeeze. There's two round windows in each one and a circular skylight on top. Oh, wow, I said, this is just such the perfect location for the next UK Memory League Championship! Imagine the video footage we could put on YouTube of the two pairs of competitors walking through the woods to their Isolation Pods, with squirrels, ducks and who knows what else happily wishing them good luck on their way!

(When I mentioned this to Nelson, he said "Sounds great, did you take pictures?" and I said "Oh yes, I could have done that, couldn't I? I mean, I did have a smart-phone in my pocket and everything. But I'm still unused to the idea of mobile phones, so it never occurred to me." I might have to go back there and take pictures I can show to you all. Or maybe find them on the internet.)

So I mentioned this to the university people, and they said it would be great to have the competition there - especially if we could do it in conjunction with the other event we spent that afternoon discussing!

See, the main theme of this workshop was how technology could assist human memory. And a great way to promote and develop this idea for the future would be to have an Augmented Memory Championship! It would work like this - teams, consisting of a memoriser and their 'pit crew' of scientists and technologians, would compete against each other in disciplines that would combine human memory skills with the best assistance technology could provide.

In some disciplines, the technology would be used in the memorisation process, followed by an unassisted human memoriser recalling by themself. So for example, we could do speed cards in which (we're projecting into the future now, rather than anything available today) the memoriser picks up the cards, drops them into a hopper which the computer immediately reads and converts into an image (with sounds and any other sensations the memoriser might want) according to the memoriser's specifications, and plays it on the memoriser's VR headset. The whole process takes five seconds, and the memoriser has seen/heard/felt everything they need in order to know exactly what the sequence of cards was.

Then there's the disciplines where the memorisation is technology-free, but then the memoriser is able to use technology to prompt their recall - displaying the appropriate images to fill in the gaps in recall, pointing out pre-programmed instances of possible confusion, things like that.

And then there's the forgetting competition (because technology to help people forget is a goal as well as to help people remember), in which one team tries to memorise and the other tries to use as many technological means as they can to make the memoriser forget. All sorts of possible strategies there, and it might just hit on something that has a universal application...

And a team memorising competition, where people and technology (for example) watch a video and prepare to answer questions about what they've seen. Technology can be programmed to pick up certain details, the humans can co-ordinate with it to make sure everything's been covered by someone or some thing.

This is something that needs to happen - who would be interested in taking part? Memorisers seeking scientists and scientists seeking memorisers would be matched together by some sort of academic dating agency, and all the academics at the workshop were very confident that the whole event could get: 1) Funding, that all-important thing in the academic world; 2) The possibility of a really good academic paper about it; and 3) Genuine possibility that a spin-off from this competition could turn into a genuine new development that could really improve human life in general. I love it!

Monday, December 04, 2017

Amazing Alex Mullen

He did indeed blow away the rest of the world's greatest memorisers, finishing with a new world record 15.612 seconds (because these new-fangled devices record it to the thousandth of a second instead of the hundredth) in speed cards! It was a sensational kind of competition, and the live-streaming was a million times cooler than any memory competition ever before! Multiple cameras, zooms in to the competitors as they fleetingly glanced at the cards before stopping the clock, it was really fun to watch! Maybe there's hope for a televised World Memory Championship yet!

And people are even praising the prize ceremony for pronouncing people's names right, giving the right medals to the right people, knowing what the scores were, not going on until the small hours of the morning, and so on! What am I going to make fun of on my glorious return next year, if this keeps up? Great work from Yudi, Andy and everybody else involved!

Friday, December 01, 2017

Wonder Twin powers activate!

The World Memory Championship is happening in Jakarta, Indonesia! I'm not there, I'm currently on my way back from Lancaster, where I've also been doing very interesting things related to memory competitions that I will tell you about once I think people have stopped paying attention to Indonesia and might want to look at me again.

But the first day gave us the usual bumper haul of mind-bogglingly enormous scores! Well, is mind-boggling really the word now? After all these years, we positively expect people to do better than the years before, and can maybe even predict the degree to which the previous records will be beaten... but that still doesn't make us blasé about the whole thing. If nothing else, it proves what people have always been saying, that we haven't yet reached the limit of memory sport potential, and it all hinges on knowing what previous record-breakers have achieved.

In any case, binary digits gave us a mind-boggling (if not quite a world record) 5730 from Munkhshur and 5325 from Enkhshur - they really do call themselves the Wonder Twins, so I'm entirely justified in thinking of Zan and Jayna every time I mention them. Reigning champion Alex was just behind with 5235, and Lkhagvadulam and Marwin also did what used to be my exclusive thing, with scores over 4000.

Names and faces did give us a world record, with Yanjaa Wintersoul (as she's officially credited nowadays) beating her own score and racking up 212 points. Simon's 186 was second, and Sri (as usual) made the top three with 147. Enkhshur and Alex weren't far behind that.

Then in hour numbers, Alex flexed his mental muscles with a new world record 3238! Munkhshur also topped the 3000 mark (which in my day, ten years or so ago, seemed a long way off ever being done) and Enkhshur was third with 2770, just ahead of Marwin's 2740. Yanjaa had a very strong 2420 for fifth place too, and since the website's listing her as Mongolian this year, they have a good lead in the team competition!

Top ten after the first day:

1 Alex Mullen 2674
2 Munkhshur Narmandakh 2622
3 Enkhshur Narmandakh 2577
4 Yanjaa Wintersoul 2217
5 Marwin Wallonius 2148
6 Lkhagvadulam Enkhtuya 1990
7 Simon Reinhard 1912
8 Johannes Mallow 1893
9 Uyanga Munkhbayar 1683
10 Zou Lujian 1580

Alex narrowly leads, on course to what would be an almost-unprecedented third consecutive win (a "post-Dominic era" first? I can't think of a good way to describe it). Winning three in a row takes a certain kind of mental dedication; doing the same thing three years in a row gives you (or at least gave me) a real challenge of overcoming the been-there-done-that effect. Perhaps the new exciting novelty of this being the first IAM WMC makes a difference? Or perhaps Alex is just awesome.

But he hasn't won yet! The Mongolian team are closely behind him, as are the Swedish team in the form of Marwin and maybe partly Yanjaa, and the entirely German team of Simon and Johannes, and the Chinese team in the person of Zou Lujian in contention too. Everything to play for! Results can be seen here.

There really needs to be a British team giving all these foreigners a run for their money, but I still think there's a good chance I'll be there next year (albeit possibly not in the top ten unless I really get a lot better), and we're gradually building up a strong army of memorisers on these shores, after years in the wilderness...

Friday, November 24, 2017

I would be really good at this, too

I got this email today:


Yes, I've got a profile on StarNow, the website for people who really want to be actors. I created it years ago, and a while back (drunkenly) reactivated it.

Anyway, I've been saying for years that as soon as my beard's gone entirely white, I'll be all ready to make a living being Santa at Christmas time. I'm not quite there yet, but Great Grottos at least seem to think I am. I'd love to take them up on it, but I've got to work in my day job. Maybe next year...

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Happy various!

Happy Thanksgiving to anybody who's American and reading this today. And Happy Dr Who Anniversary day to anybody who just likes it when it's the anniversary of the first episode of Dr Who.

Also, for tomorrow, Happy Silver Sonic Twosday! Remember all the excitement of 25 years ago, when Sonic 2 came out on the Mega Drive? It feels like only yesterday. Everyone needs to get out their old Mega Drives and Sonic 2 cartridges (what? I can't be the only one who's still got them, can I?) and play it - don't forget that if you play songs 1,9,9,2,1,1,2,4 on the level select screen, you activate the debug mode.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Rest in peace Panthro

It's very sad that Earle Hyman has died, but then 91 is a good age, and at least most of the internet articles about him remember that he was one of the heroic six voice actors who between them did every character on Thundercats.

I think the high point of his Thunder-career was Nemex, owner of the eponymous jail in the episode "The Astral Prison". He has a brilliantly over-the-top voice, and I urge you all to get out your DVDs and video tapes and watch it again right now! "Brave words... FEEBLE FOOL!"

Sunday, November 19, 2017

An Impossible Challenge

Dagnabbit. I've had an email from a Chinese TV show, "Impossible Challenge" - they want to fly me out to Beijing to compete in a speed cards* contest against Zou Lujian (who's much better than me) in what would be a really cool and epic kind of TV experience. I'm still apparently a popular household name in China** and to lose to the top Chinese competitor would give the whole memory sport scene over there a huge boost.

Trouble is, they want me to be over there from the 14th to the 19th of December, and I really can't take that time off work. Our holiday year at work runs from January-December, and I've just taken a week off, specifically because I had five days left to use and didn't think I'd be getting any particular reason to save them up! And the company shuts down for the year from the 22nd onwards! So this invitation is exactly one week too early. If they could just accommodate me the week after, it'd be great! I could go to Beijing, fail to remember a pack of cards, and go up to Harbin to see my brother*** for Christmas!

Actually, the real problem is that if I asked my bosses to give me the time off work, they'd probably say yes (judging by last year, there won't be very much work gets done there the week before the shutdown), but I really don't want that to happen. It makes me think they think it doesn't matter if I'm in the office or not, and although I myself think that, I like to delude myself into believing that the higher-ups consider me indispensable.

It's possible I'm over-thinking the whole thing. I do that.



*Actually, the email (which has presumably been through an online translator) describes it as a "shorthand poker" contest, but I'm fairly sure from the context that it's speed cards. The Chinese call a pack of cards a "poker", you know. That's basically the entirety of my knowledge about China.

**Just on Friday I was told by a young woman that she'd seen me on "The Brain" and thought I was great, and she was interested in memory competitions and things. Of course, when I told her that there are a lot of memory people in China, she replied (sounding only slightly offended) that she's Chinese-Malaysian and just happened to see the Chinese TV show, but I still take this as proof that people in the general area of China know who I am.

***Who doubtless has already made his arrangements to spend Christmas with other people, and really wouldn't appreciate me flying five thousand miles**** to turn up on his doorstep unexpectedly.

****I actually have no idea how many miles it is from here to Harbin. For all I know, it might be next door and the airlines are just playing a big practical joke on people.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

This is what happens when I'm busy, you see

Any time when I have a lot of important stuff to do, as I might have mentioned before, I make a point of inventing a much more trivial task to completely occupy myself with, so that I can forget all about the necessary and important stuff until it goes away. Like writing a feature-length analysis of the adventures of Hourman, for example. I was going to make it my 2600th blog post, since that's such a nice round number (50 packs of cards) and needed to be something special, but it took too long to write and ended up as the 2603rd, because there were three little things I urgently needed to blog about first.