It was twenty years ago today, or something close to it. I know it was very shortly after I won the World Memory Championship for the first time, but whether it was literally the next day or with a slightly longer gap between, I'm not sure. It might even have been the next weekend.
I had to look up on the internet the dates of the world championship (which was part of the Mind Sports Olympiad, in Manchester, that year), and it says it was August 28-30, the bank holiday weekend. But I'm not writing about the twentieth anniversary of that great triumph - I'd forgotten all about it, if I'm honest with you - but the twentieth anniversary of the time I came 4th in a TV quiz show that people only watched to see the host insulting the contestants.
It's a memory competition that reminded me about it, though - I've just played in the last round of qualifiers for the Asian-Oceanian Open Memory League championship next weekend, and won my match despite making mistakes in every single game. I was just lucky that my opponent was having an even worse day, but it doesn't really bode well for my first-round match next Saturday against Vishvaa Rajakumar. Not that anything would bode well for a match against someone who's a million times better than I ever was at the whole memory thing. It's not 2004 any more. I'm going to be remorselessly slaughtered, but it's fun to qualify for the tournament anyway!
But the point is, when in this qualifying match I messed up cards recall twice in a row - and cards is the one thing I ALWAYS get right, even when I'm playing badly - I shouted "Damn it!" in my annoyance. And twenty years ago (or something close to it) I was doing the same thing, albeit under my breath on account of how I was on BBC TV instead of sitting in my living room and only being watched on camera by the anti-cheating arbiter.
And so it was, on August 31st 2004, or maybe the following weekend, I went down to what was almost certainly London and a TV studio somewhere (a World Memory Champion might be expected to remember these things, but he doesn't) to appear on actual telly on the nation's favourite quiz show, The Weakest Link! I'd been to the audition some time previously in Derby (where I was living back then), and been accepted on the show not so much for being brilliant as because I wore my hat and everybody thought it made me look distinctive. People didn't wear hats in 2004. I was unique. So with the hat (but not expecting to be allowed to wear it, what with the shadows from TV lighting) I made my way to London (probably) for what was (maybe) my first time doing Real TV Things.
All the contestants had been asked to bring multiple changes of clothes, preferably bright and colourful, so the people in charge could make everyone coordinate nicely, but I arrived wearing my bright green, collarless, button-up shirt that I really loved and all my friends thought was hideous. The TV people loved it, though, and said I had to wear it! I wish I still had that shirt - I still wear plenty of shirts I owned in 2004, but I think I burned a big hole in that one with an iron a couple of years later and threw it out. I should get another one like it.
It was the low-budget version of The Weakest Link, rather than the big-money one - writing names on cards and turning them around, rather than them appearing on the screens on the podiums. I can't remember most of the contestants - the guy who won was called Peter, I think, and was obviously going to win, right from the start. The rest have disappeared from my memory almost entirely, except the unfortunate woman I voted off in the first two rounds. Possibly called Natalie. She looked a lot like someone else I know whose name I don't remember; the ex-girlfriend of someone I could still ask what her name was, I suppose, but I don't really want to dredge up memories of their 22-year-old breakup.
Anyway, Anne Robinson was sucking throat sweets at every opportunity and trying her best not to lose her voice. She had details of everybody on her cards, of course, but my World Memory Championship win was so recent I hadn't updated anyone on the show about it. When I told Anne during the game that I was the World Memory Champion (rather than 'a top memory competitor' or whatever my previous status had been) it would actually have been a surprise to her, but she rolled with it very professionally. And anyway, she had more fun with something I hadn't expected at all...
When she asked me what I do for a living, I told her my current unimpressive job title and told her I was "a credit control administrator". "Wouldn't you rather be a chef, or a dentist?" Anne asked, and I was bemused. "Or anything without an R in it?" she added, and I laughed out loud! Yes, I'd said I was a cwedit contwol adminstwator, and I do know I sometimes struggle with that letter, but I hadn't realised I was doing it. It was brilliant, and gave Anne a lot of opportunities to make jokes all through the show - between that and the 'memowy man' thing, it was classic, and all ad-libbed. They don't make TV like that any more!
I got my question right in the first round - two people didn't, so it was a choice which one to vote off, and I went for possibly-called-Natalie. More people went for the other one (probably a man, but I remember nothing else about him). I might even have banked some money and been the strongest link; I remember I was at one point.
In the second round I voted Natalie again, and so did everyone else. Anne rounded on me and asked why, and I said "I have a feeling she got all her questions wrong," with an apologetic glance over to her. Natalie nodded rueful agreement, and took the walk of shame.
After that I generally got questions right. There was a pause in filming at one point. Anne had just turned to me and said "Ben - In cartoons..." and I thought "ooh, my specialist subject!" but someone interrupted to query whether they'd done something wrong a minute earlier. Something to do with banking, and the timing of it, maybe. Anne was annoyed at having to stop. And I think it was decided in the end that everything was all right after all, so they reset the timer and carried on with the question. It was about The Far Side, and of course I knew it - all the other contestants reacted with surprise, because it clearly would have stumped them. I was starting to think I might win, even despite Peter knowing everything about everything. "Is Mister Memory fading?" Anne asked at one point in an end-of-round summary, and I didn't so much fade as crash out.
We're down to the final four, and Anne, gleefully noting the answer and probably re-phrasing the question on the fly, asked "Ben - What R is an item used in cleaning and a student charity week?" I was flummoxed. "Pass," I said, and a second later it came to me. "Rag!" I corrected myself, but of course Anne said "No, you said pass," and that was that. "Damn it!" I quietly said to myself - you can clearly see it on camera as it pans away from me. It was the last or penultimate question of the round, and of course the other three contestants didn't have to think hard about who to vote off.
So I took the Walk of Shame and watched the rest of the game (because they'd had hold-ups doing the interviews of losing contestants and didn't get round to mine until after the whole game had finished) before celebrating in the green room afterwards. It was a wonderful experience all round!
The show wasn't on TV until early 2005, I think - at work they brought a TV into the meeting room and we all watched it on video the next day. I looked great, as far as I can remember. I haven't seen it since, and I'd really like to now, but nobody's ever put it on YouTube or anything. Maybe one day I'll find it.
And I'm glad to know I still shout "Damn it!" when I get something wrong, even all these years later. Some people never change.
