Yep, I've got a really rotten cold. Achoo! I'm all sneezy and snotty and sicky and it's no fun at all.
Still, I've got another long weekend to get over it - finished at Saint-Gobain on Friday. Granted, it's an unpaid holiday, and it would probably be better to be earning, but yay. Unless I sneeze myself to death at some point.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Friday, April 04, 2008
Celebrity news
All the many fans of The Mentalists might like to know that it's my grandma's birthday on Sunday. She's 88, and it's surprising how difficult it is to find a birthday card with two fat ladies on it. She's also suffering with bronchitis at the moment, so I'm sure she'd appreciate any get-well-soon comments you might like to leave on the blog.
I've also got a rotten cold today, and could do with some get-well-soons. So, I suppose, could Prince Philip, since he's in hospital with a chest infection. Grandma is pleased to be sharing an ailment with the Duke of Edinburgh (who's a year or so younger than her) although she isn't a big fan of his, being of the opinion that he was a lovely, handsome man until around the age of thirty, when he became a miserable old fart. She feels it's the Queen's fault.
I've also got a rotten cold today, and could do with some get-well-soons. So, I suppose, could Prince Philip, since he's in hospital with a chest infection. Grandma is pleased to be sharing an ailment with the Duke of Edinburgh (who's a year or so younger than her) although she isn't a big fan of his, being of the opinion that he was a lovely, handsome man until around the age of thirty, when he became a miserable old fart. She feels it's the Queen's fault.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
It's noisy out there
The light has just about completely faded away (yay for British Summer Time!) and I've had my window open, on account of having filled the room with smoke while cooking tea, and the birds outside are making a heck of a racket! It's times like this that I wished I'd paid attention to my dad's occasional lectures on the subject of birds and what they do, so that I could identify which species is making that screeching noise, and which is doing that sort of beeping. That's the kind of thing it's hard to learn without spending your life sitting in hides wearing a hat with twigs sticking out of it, peering through binoculars at tits and boobies.
As for the book-writing, I think I probably am going to at least put together a proposal for the "How To Improve Your Memory" book that that publisher wanted. In fact, I've already got one I wrote waaaay back in 2003, the first time someone asked me to write a book for them, before I decided to turn them down for various reasons that made sense at the time. Maybe I'll dig that up and see how bad it looks.
In the meantime, I've picked out another publisher to try to tempt with How To Be Clever - this will be number 5, and the scores so far are one outright rejection, one no reply (the one I sent the wrong covering letter to), one 'we'll print a book by you with a similar title if you rewrite it completely' and one 'we're not printing that, but we'll print a memory book by you'.
As for the book-writing, I think I probably am going to at least put together a proposal for the "How To Improve Your Memory" book that that publisher wanted. In fact, I've already got one I wrote waaaay back in 2003, the first time someone asked me to write a book for them, before I decided to turn them down for various reasons that made sense at the time. Maybe I'll dig that up and see how bad it looks.
In the meantime, I've picked out another publisher to try to tempt with How To Be Clever - this will be number 5, and the scores so far are one outright rejection, one no reply (the one I sent the wrong covering letter to), one 'we'll print a book by you with a similar title if you rewrite it completely' and one 'we're not printing that, but we'll print a memory book by you'.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
A poem in which dinner, interrupted by an elephant, illustrates a moral lesson
Young Modestine and Pamela and Fortitude and John
Were dining at the table on a meal of roasted swan
When from without there came a crash that caused the walls to shake
And plaster from the ceiling fell and spoiled the simnel-cake.
"Great heavens!" bellowed Fortitude, and ripped off all his clothes,
"God's genitals! By Christopher!" and other suchlike oaths,
"It seems to me the very world is being torn to bits!
Be quick and make your peace with God or suffer Hell's foul pits!"
"Don't talk such rot," said Pamela, an atheistic lass,
"Like many earthquakes have before, this one will swiftly pass."
But then again from outside echoed such a frightful clang
That Fortitude with panicked loudness rang for Jones, his man.
"The tiger-trap," the butler said, "was baited with a plant,
And not with meat, and so, of course, ensnared an elephant.
The gentle herbivore passed by and stopped to take a bite -
The trap was sprung, down came the cage and now behold its plight!"
"That will be all," said Fortitude. "Wait! Go and fetch my gun!
For now we have the beast caged up, let's have a bit of fun!"
"By cracky, yes!" cried Pamela, "Go, fetch my gun as well!
And though the place does not exist, let's blow the brute to Hell!"
Said Modestine "I don't approve of harming living things
(Except those horrid, nasty swans that hit one with their wings).
I think that what we should do is just let the poor brute free,
For do not all the beasts of Earth deserve such rights as we?"
"By no means does an elephant deserve the rights of man!"
Screamed Fortitude, who took his gun, "For God's almighty plan
Was ever that the man should kill all creatures great and small,
In payment of the debt they've owed since Noah saved them all!"
"I must concur," said Pamela, "though talk of God is daft,
For all religions great or small do naught but make me laugh,
Yet we whom evolution made the lords of all the Earth
Have every right to kill or maim a beast of lesser worth."
But Modestine was adamant and, taking up an axe,
She vowed to free the elephant from both her friends' attacks.
She cleaved in twain the tiger-trap, and out the monster flew -
But tragically it flew straight at the rifle-toting two.
And neither fervent prayers nor screams availed them in the least
As Fortitude and Pamela were crushed beneath the beast.
And as it fled into the hills sans backward glance or halt,
Poor Modestine could only say "I fear this is my fault."
"Indeed," said John, who seldom spoke, "though now we'll have some peace,
With jumbo gone and those two dead, their squabbling will cease.
But had you kept your big mouth shut and let them have their will,
The Christian and godless both would now be living still."
And so the moral of this tale is clearly to be seen:
When choosing guests for dinner, never ask a Modestine.
A difference of religion comes to nothing in the end,
But one who won't shoot elephants should never be your friend.
Were dining at the table on a meal of roasted swan
When from without there came a crash that caused the walls to shake
And plaster from the ceiling fell and spoiled the simnel-cake.
"Great heavens!" bellowed Fortitude, and ripped off all his clothes,
"God's genitals! By Christopher!" and other suchlike oaths,
"It seems to me the very world is being torn to bits!
Be quick and make your peace with God or suffer Hell's foul pits!"
"Don't talk such rot," said Pamela, an atheistic lass,
"Like many earthquakes have before, this one will swiftly pass."
But then again from outside echoed such a frightful clang
That Fortitude with panicked loudness rang for Jones, his man.
"The tiger-trap," the butler said, "was baited with a plant,
And not with meat, and so, of course, ensnared an elephant.
The gentle herbivore passed by and stopped to take a bite -
The trap was sprung, down came the cage and now behold its plight!"
"That will be all," said Fortitude. "Wait! Go and fetch my gun!
For now we have the beast caged up, let's have a bit of fun!"
"By cracky, yes!" cried Pamela, "Go, fetch my gun as well!
And though the place does not exist, let's blow the brute to Hell!"
Said Modestine "I don't approve of harming living things
(Except those horrid, nasty swans that hit one with their wings).
I think that what we should do is just let the poor brute free,
For do not all the beasts of Earth deserve such rights as we?"
"By no means does an elephant deserve the rights of man!"
Screamed Fortitude, who took his gun, "For God's almighty plan
Was ever that the man should kill all creatures great and small,
In payment of the debt they've owed since Noah saved them all!"
"I must concur," said Pamela, "though talk of God is daft,
For all religions great or small do naught but make me laugh,
Yet we whom evolution made the lords of all the Earth
Have every right to kill or maim a beast of lesser worth."
But Modestine was adamant and, taking up an axe,
She vowed to free the elephant from both her friends' attacks.
She cleaved in twain the tiger-trap, and out the monster flew -
But tragically it flew straight at the rifle-toting two.
And neither fervent prayers nor screams availed them in the least
As Fortitude and Pamela were crushed beneath the beast.
And as it fled into the hills sans backward glance or halt,
Poor Modestine could only say "I fear this is my fault."
"Indeed," said John, who seldom spoke, "though now we'll have some peace,
With jumbo gone and those two dead, their squabbling will cease.
But had you kept your big mouth shut and let them have their will,
The Christian and godless both would now be living still."
And so the moral of this tale is clearly to be seen:
When choosing guests for dinner, never ask a Modestine.
A difference of religion comes to nothing in the end,
But one who won't shoot elephants should never be your friend.
Monday, March 31, 2008
So many offers...
Why is it that nobody wants to publish How To Be Clever, but everybody wants to publish a different book by me? I had the 'teach yourself' people wanting it completely rewritten in their style (basically changing everything except the title), and I've had another email today saying no, we don't want HTBC, but we'd love a 'How To Improve Your Memory' book from you. The world is full of Improve Your Memory books, for flip's sake! The point of HTBC was that it's something a bit different from the books already on the shelves! Does nobody want that kind of thing except me?
Sigh... I might just write both those unsatisfactory things, rather than keep pestering people to print the good book. It's too much hassle.
As for the day job, I'll be finishing this month-long temp job I'm doing at the moment in a week or so, but the company have another job to offer me, more number-crunching of a fairly basic kind, but it'd be something to do. Different building on the same site, though, so I'd probably have to vacate my little office and share one in the more modern building.
Like the books thing, neither of these jobs are really the kind of thing I'm looking for. The research thing is a more junior kind of position than I've had before, and they're both a lengthy cycle ride from anywhere I might be able to cycle from.
Would someone out there please offer me a good job, and publish my book in the way I want it to be published? Is that too much to ask?
Sigh... I might just write both those unsatisfactory things, rather than keep pestering people to print the good book. It's too much hassle.
As for the day job, I'll be finishing this month-long temp job I'm doing at the moment in a week or so, but the company have another job to offer me, more number-crunching of a fairly basic kind, but it'd be something to do. Different building on the same site, though, so I'd probably have to vacate my little office and share one in the more modern building.
Like the books thing, neither of these jobs are really the kind of thing I'm looking for. The research thing is a more junior kind of position than I've had before, and they're both a lengthy cycle ride from anywhere I might be able to cycle from.
Would someone out there please offer me a good job, and publish my book in the way I want it to be published? Is that too much to ask?
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Galactic memory update
Heed my words, puny earthlings! I have travelled many light years to find you -- and to bring you a message from Kurrgo, Master of Planet X!
No, sorry, got confused there, because I've been reading old Fantastic Four comics. I meant to say Heed my words, puny earthlings! I just wanted to spell out for the benefit of those who read my blog but not the memory newsgroup, and yet are still interested in memory competitions, what is happening over the next few months:
Sunday 4 May - Cambridge Memory Championship, Trinity College Cambridge, national standard competition - 5 min words, 5 min binary, 5 min names, 15 min numbers, 10 min cards, 5 min numbers, abstract images, historic dates, spoken numbers (100 & 200), speed cards. This is going to be a bigger event than the last two Cambridge championships, judging by the number of entries and interested people so far - and the location is much, much better too! Entry fee £5, beginners free. http://cambridgememorychampionship.co.uk/ and http://www.msocambridge.org.uk/
Saturday/Sunday May 24/25 - Derby Memory Championship, Derby, international standard - 30 min numbers, 30 min cards, 30 min binary, historic dates, spoken numbers (100, 200, 300), abstract images, 15 min names & faces, 5 min numbers, 15 min words, speed cards. I'm competing in this one myself now, just to keep you informed - thanks to James Paterson for creating the memorisation papers, and Phil
Chambers and other volunteers for running the show on the day. Entry fee £10, beginners free. http://cambridgememorychampionship.co.uk/derby_index.shtml
Friday/Saturday July 25/26 - German Memory Championship, Tuttlingen, international standard - 30 min numbers, 30 min cards, 30 min binary, historic dates, spoken numbers (100, 200, 300), abstract images, 15 min names & faces, 5 min numbers, 15 min words, speed cards. Same great location as last year, I'm sure it'll be a fantastic competition! Entry fee not on the website yet, it's normally around €30, which includes lunch and an evening memory performance event. http://memomasters.de/
Saturday/Sunday August 16/17 - UK Memory Championship, Simpsons-in- the-Strand, London, national standard - 5 min words, 5 min binary, 5 min names, 15 min numbers, 10 min cards, 5 min numbers, abstract images, historic dates, spoken numbers (100 & 200), speed cards. A national standard, but over two mornings rather than a whole day like usual. So plenty of time for sightseeing in London! Entry fee £20, or
£40 including a gala dinner. http://worldmemorychampionship.com/competition_calendar.asp
And I hope to see lots of you there! The Derby championship will be filmed by ITV as part of the latest documentary on the subject, so this is your chance to star in my next TV appearance!
No, sorry, got confused there, because I've been reading old Fantastic Four comics. I meant to say Heed my words, puny earthlings! I just wanted to spell out for the benefit of those who read my blog but not the memory newsgroup, and yet are still interested in memory competitions, what is happening over the next few months:
Sunday 4 May - Cambridge Memory Championship, Trinity College Cambridge, national standard competition - 5 min words, 5 min binary, 5 min names, 15 min numbers, 10 min cards, 5 min numbers, abstract images, historic dates, spoken numbers (100 & 200), speed cards. This is going to be a bigger event than the last two Cambridge championships, judging by the number of entries and interested people so far - and the location is much, much better too! Entry fee £5, beginners free. http://cambridgememorychampionship.co.uk/ and http://www.msocambridge.org.uk/
Saturday/Sunday May 24/25 - Derby Memory Championship, Derby, international standard - 30 min numbers, 30 min cards, 30 min binary, historic dates, spoken numbers (100, 200, 300), abstract images, 15 min names & faces, 5 min numbers, 15 min words, speed cards. I'm competing in this one myself now, just to keep you informed - thanks to James Paterson for creating the memorisation papers, and Phil
Chambers and other volunteers for running the show on the day. Entry fee £10, beginners free. http://cambridgememorychampionship.co.uk/derby_index.shtml
Friday/Saturday July 25/26 - German Memory Championship, Tuttlingen, international standard - 30 min numbers, 30 min cards, 30 min binary, historic dates, spoken numbers (100, 200, 300), abstract images, 15 min names & faces, 5 min numbers, 15 min words, speed cards. Same great location as last year, I'm sure it'll be a fantastic competition! Entry fee not on the website yet, it's normally around €30, which includes lunch and an evening memory performance event. http://memomasters.de/
Saturday/Sunday August 16/17 - UK Memory Championship, Simpsons-in- the-Strand, London, national standard - 5 min words, 5 min binary, 5 min names, 15 min numbers, 10 min cards, 5 min numbers, abstract images, historic dates, spoken numbers (100 & 200), speed cards. A national standard, but over two mornings rather than a whole day like usual. So plenty of time for sightseeing in London! Entry fee £20, or
£40 including a gala dinner. http://worldmemorychampionship.com/competition_calendar.asp
And I hope to see lots of you there! The Derby championship will be filmed by ITV as part of the latest documentary on the subject, so this is your chance to star in my next TV appearance!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
"Ironman" Ivan Stewart's Super Off Road
This morning, I did a half-hour cards practice (attempting 18 packs, got 15 right, the others were silly little memorising mistakes that I'm not too worried about), went to the supermarket and got my hair cut. The problem I have with memory is keeping the mental state going for a whole day, or a whole three-day period like you have to do at the world championships. Because my mind was seriously wandering by the end of the recall period, and I couldn't get into any other practice I tried to do this afternoon.
So instead, I spent my time playing "Ironman" Ivan Stewart's Super Off Road. This was an extremely cool arcade game, back in the good old days when arcade games were fun to play. It was one of those games in a cabinet with a pedal and a steering wheel - three pedals and three steering wheels, in fact, so you could race against two friends. They don't make games like it any more - the whole of the racetrack fills the screen and you drive a tiny little car, viewed from above, around the track. Those were cool. The first cool one was Super Sprint, and Super Off Road was basically just a clone of that, only with cooler tracks with bumps and puddles, and with "Ironman" Ivan Stewart's endorsement.
"Ironman" was apparently a real person, an off-road racing driver, and the title screen lists all the races he'd won. There weren't all that many of them, actually, and they were in the seventies for the most part, so why they thought kids might be attracted to the game by the name Ivan Stewart, I can't imagine. Possibly he was cooler in America, where people might have heard of him. "Ironman" drove the computer-controlled white car in the game, and when the red, yellow and blue cars weren't being controlled by players, they were driven by "Madman" Sam Powell, "Hurricane" Earl Stratton and "Jammin'" John Morgan. I don't know if these were real people too - if they were, I can't imagine they were too happy with the way that Ivan Stewart's car always won the races. Jammin' John generally came second, and a fun alternative way to play the game is not to try to win, but to try to hold up "Ironman"'s car so that someone else wins. I like to think that would teach him a lesson for being so full of himself. Assuming that he was in any way full of himself - I know nothing about the man at all.
Also cool about the game was the way you could enter your country of origin at the start of the game (as long as you were from the USA, Canada, Japan, Britain, France, Germany, Italy or Australia) and get your own national anthem played when you won a race. Admittedly the anthem that plays for Britain only bears a slight resemblance to God Save The Queen, but still, it was very, very unusual for an American game of that generation to consider the possibility that non-Americans might play it. Especially an American game based on the appeal of a strictly American minor celebrity.
You can play the NES version of the game on your computer here, at the wonderful Virtual NES site, where you can also play lots and lots of other classic games, one or two of which are some good (the Master System was so much better, apart from the absence of Super Mario Bros). Or if like me the NES version just makes you long for the better graphics of the arcade version, the MAME roms are out there too. Now I just have to get an original cabinet with steering wheels and everything.
When I'm a millionaire, I'm going to own an arcade filled to busting with all the classic games of the good old days, and everyone will be welcome to come along and have fun. And they'll cost 10p a play.
So instead, I spent my time playing "Ironman" Ivan Stewart's Super Off Road. This was an extremely cool arcade game, back in the good old days when arcade games were fun to play. It was one of those games in a cabinet with a pedal and a steering wheel - three pedals and three steering wheels, in fact, so you could race against two friends. They don't make games like it any more - the whole of the racetrack fills the screen and you drive a tiny little car, viewed from above, around the track. Those were cool. The first cool one was Super Sprint, and Super Off Road was basically just a clone of that, only with cooler tracks with bumps and puddles, and with "Ironman" Ivan Stewart's endorsement.
"Ironman" was apparently a real person, an off-road racing driver, and the title screen lists all the races he'd won. There weren't all that many of them, actually, and they were in the seventies for the most part, so why they thought kids might be attracted to the game by the name Ivan Stewart, I can't imagine. Possibly he was cooler in America, where people might have heard of him. "Ironman" drove the computer-controlled white car in the game, and when the red, yellow and blue cars weren't being controlled by players, they were driven by "Madman" Sam Powell, "Hurricane" Earl Stratton and "Jammin'" John Morgan. I don't know if these were real people too - if they were, I can't imagine they were too happy with the way that Ivan Stewart's car always won the races. Jammin' John generally came second, and a fun alternative way to play the game is not to try to win, but to try to hold up "Ironman"'s car so that someone else wins. I like to think that would teach him a lesson for being so full of himself. Assuming that he was in any way full of himself - I know nothing about the man at all.
Also cool about the game was the way you could enter your country of origin at the start of the game (as long as you were from the USA, Canada, Japan, Britain, France, Germany, Italy or Australia) and get your own national anthem played when you won a race. Admittedly the anthem that plays for Britain only bears a slight resemblance to God Save The Queen, but still, it was very, very unusual for an American game of that generation to consider the possibility that non-Americans might play it. Especially an American game based on the appeal of a strictly American minor celebrity.
You can play the NES version of the game on your computer here, at the wonderful Virtual NES site, where you can also play lots and lots of other classic games, one or two of which are some good (the Master System was so much better, apart from the absence of Super Mario Bros). Or if like me the NES version just makes you long for the better graphics of the arcade version, the MAME roms are out there too. Now I just have to get an original cabinet with steering wheels and everything.
When I'm a millionaire, I'm going to own an arcade filled to busting with all the classic games of the good old days, and everyone will be welcome to come along and have fun. And they'll cost 10p a play.
Friday, March 28, 2008
What, already?
Wow, weekends come around fast when it's a three-day week. Right, so, this weekend I'm going to do all those things I was going to do last weekend, and probably some other things too. I'm going to be industrious and hard-working.
Speaking of hard-working, my boss said today that he's very happy with the work I've been doing this last month. That makes one of us, at least, because personally I don't think I've been all that much use. Still, it's his opinion that counts. And it is nice to be appreciated - a lot of bosses don't bother to say anything unless they think you're rubbish.
Speaking of hard-working, my boss said today that he's very happy with the work I've been doing this last month. That makes one of us, at least, because personally I don't think I've been all that much use. Still, it's his opinion that counts. And it is nice to be appreciated - a lot of bosses don't bother to say anything unless they think you're rubbish.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Ow ow ow!
Remember I said that I skinned my elbows? At some point during Saturday's unhealthiness? Well, now I've got scabs on them, just where I lean my elbows on tables, and it hurts. I can only assume that while I was drinking I was leaning with my elbows too excessively, or something. Or else I took a cheese grater to them, thinking it would be funny. But seriously, ow. I need someone to kiss my elbows better. It's not possible to kiss your own elbow, you know. This is proof of God's non-existence.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Joyce Grenfell met Elvis Presley, you know
See, I was going to do some memory training or something tonight, but my boiler's broken and the landlord came round this evening to poke at it and by the time he'd gone, there was only time to sit around watching an hour-long documentary about Joyce Grenfell that I might possibly have seen before but I can't quite remember.
And I'd had a very productive and successful day at work too, and felt all motivated to keep the hard work going in the evening, especially after an email from a local freemason offering to help out at the Derby Memory Championship. Perhaps I can get the brotherhood on my side and have them funny-handshake 'memory sports' into a government-funded mega-million-pound enterprise!
And I'd had a very productive and successful day at work too, and felt all motivated to keep the hard work going in the evening, especially after an email from a local freemason offering to help out at the Derby Memory Championship. Perhaps I can get the brotherhood on my side and have them funny-handshake 'memory sports' into a government-funded mega-million-pound enterprise!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
What a waste
I haven't done anything useful this long weekend. I didn't even get my hair cut, because the barber's was closed today, for no adequately explained reason. Perhaps he's gone away on holiday. That only leaves me with the unisex salon or the barber with a stall on the market, neither of which I really trust to cut what remains of my beautiful locks in a way that still looks rugged and handsome. So I decided to just leave it. Save the money and go around with shaggy, unsightly hair for a while longer.
I did a little bit of memory training, but I'm still just not in the mood for the long disciplines - I can't get the concentration going. And I bumped into someone I used to work with in town today, and I took a heck of a long time to remember who on earth he is. I think my brain's gradually rotting away, and I feel like I really should do something about it.
I did a little bit of memory training, but I'm still just not in the mood for the long disciplines - I can't get the concentration going. And I bumped into someone I used to work with in town today, and I took a heck of a long time to remember who on earth he is. I think my brain's gradually rotting away, and I feel like I really should do something about it.
Monday, March 24, 2008
I can't cut the mustard like I used to
Well, so, Saturday at twelve I met up with my brother for lunch in the Ropewalk pub, Nottingham, which is something we do from time to time. It's a really great place, if you ever happen to be in that part of the world, it gets five stars on the Zoomy guide for food, drink and atmosphere. We got in there out of the blizzard howling outside (did anyone dream of a white Easter? Because we certainly got one in this part of the world), had a drink, decided we didn't feel like lunch just yet, had an entertaining conversation about this, that and the other with particular emphasis on Thundercats, Max Fleischer cartoons and general setting-the-world-to-rights. This naturally leads into singing raucous songs for the entertainment of the Ropewalk staff and the handful of other customers, and before too long it was seven o'clock and I was feeling a little light-headed. The idea of food had entirely slipped from both of our minds.
We went into town to see what was happening at Chambers, where they do karaoke, only to be besieged by people wanting me to memorise things for them. Which was very nice, because I got a chance to say "Oh, woe, the life of a celebrity, constantly hounded by admirers when I just want a quiet drink and a sing-song!" Although by that point I wasn't in quite such eloquent mood. We quickly went on to Cast, where it's quieter, forgoing the karaoke (it's one of those activities that are sometimes less fun in a place where everybody knows your name) and finished an eight-hour binge-drinking session there.
What's worrying is that I was decidedly lagging behind on the drinking front by this point, and basically being led around mumbling incoherent drunken witticisms and songs. I know I don't exactly have a reputation for holding my booze, but there was a time when I could safely keep pace with my brother. I have a feeling I'm turning into an old man. This feeling was intensified when I got back to my brother's place, having decided that the journey home from Derby just wasn't worth the effort (he shares a house with Hungarians, so we avoid drunkenly hanging out there as a rule), had half a pizza, went to bed and then spent the night throwing up a great deal more than I can logically have had in my stomach. My brother was relatively unscathed by the day's excesses. I also skinned both my elbows somehow, somewhere along the line.
I made my way back home yesterday morning, but I can't really remember what I did all day, except that it was freezing cold and still occasionally snowing, so I stayed indoors. I posted that brief and unilluminating blog, went to bed, changed my mind, got up again and watched the football, went back to bed at eleven, woke up this morning at half past six, got up, decided after a couple of hours that I really had a bit more sleep I needed to catch up on, went back to bed and got up again a bit before midday.
And after a start like that, although I feel fine again now, it's hard to get cracking with the stuff you were planning to achieve over the long weekend. So, basically, I haven't done any of the memory training I was aiming for. This is annoying on multiple levels. I've never been a hardened drinker, but I'd like to think I can occasionally go out for a booze-up without it wasting three whole days of my life! I don't know, maybe if I want to be world memory champion, I'll have to avoid excessive intake of alcohol. Who'd'a thunk it?
We went into town to see what was happening at Chambers, where they do karaoke, only to be besieged by people wanting me to memorise things for them. Which was very nice, because I got a chance to say "Oh, woe, the life of a celebrity, constantly hounded by admirers when I just want a quiet drink and a sing-song!" Although by that point I wasn't in quite such eloquent mood. We quickly went on to Cast, where it's quieter, forgoing the karaoke (it's one of those activities that are sometimes less fun in a place where everybody knows your name) and finished an eight-hour binge-drinking session there.
What's worrying is that I was decidedly lagging behind on the drinking front by this point, and basically being led around mumbling incoherent drunken witticisms and songs. I know I don't exactly have a reputation for holding my booze, but there was a time when I could safely keep pace with my brother. I have a feeling I'm turning into an old man. This feeling was intensified when I got back to my brother's place, having decided that the journey home from Derby just wasn't worth the effort (he shares a house with Hungarians, so we avoid drunkenly hanging out there as a rule), had half a pizza, went to bed and then spent the night throwing up a great deal more than I can logically have had in my stomach. My brother was relatively unscathed by the day's excesses. I also skinned both my elbows somehow, somewhere along the line.
I made my way back home yesterday morning, but I can't really remember what I did all day, except that it was freezing cold and still occasionally snowing, so I stayed indoors. I posted that brief and unilluminating blog, went to bed, changed my mind, got up again and watched the football, went back to bed at eleven, woke up this morning at half past six, got up, decided after a couple of hours that I really had a bit more sleep I needed to catch up on, went back to bed and got up again a bit before midday.
And after a start like that, although I feel fine again now, it's hard to get cracking with the stuff you were planning to achieve over the long weekend. So, basically, I haven't done any of the memory training I was aiming for. This is annoying on multiple levels. I've never been a hardened drinker, but I'd like to think I can occasionally go out for a booze-up without it wasting three whole days of my life! I don't know, maybe if I want to be world memory champion, I'll have to avoid excessive intake of alcohol. Who'd'a thunk it?
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Blaargh
Sorry for not blogging yesterday, too much alcohol, spent night at brother's, still feel unwell, going to bed, normal service resumed tomorrow. Blaargh.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Look, it's the Easter Bunny!
No, actually, it's just me, bouncing up and down with excitement at having four days off. As I've mentioned before, bank holidays are so much more cool when you're otherwise working for a living. So, since the situation clearly calls for making it less fun by planning out what I'm going to do, I will do some serious memory training over the next four days, I'll come to a definite decision about whether to write 'teach yourself How To Be Clever' (I ummed and ahhed over email to the publisher, but they'd probably prefer a real answer some time this century), and I'll get a haircut. That ought to keep me busy.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Hand in glove
I realised just as I was about to leave the house this morning that I'd lost one of my woolly gloves. Drat, I thought, but never mind, I'll wear my leather gloves that I don't like very much because they're slightly too small for me. So I went back upstairs, grabbed the leather gloves and left the house. On arriving at Long Eaton train station, I dug in my pockets and noticed that somewhere along the train journey I must have dropped one of the leather gloves too.
Drat, I thought, now I'll have to wear one blue woolly glove and one black leather glove on the cycle ride to work, and motorists will point and laugh at me. Oh well, they would probably have laughed at me anyway, because I really need a haircut. So I reached in my pocket for the woolly glove that I hadn't lost, only to find that I had now also lost that one.
Drat, I thought again. I've lost three gloves in the course of one morning. I wonder if that's a world record? There can't be many people who've lost three gloves in less than half an hour.
So, to make a long story slightly longer, I survived the cycle ride to and from work with only one glove, even though it was a bit cold, and when I got home I found one of the woolly gloves again. So now I have a pair, albeit a non-matching pair. Life is good.
Drat, I thought, now I'll have to wear one blue woolly glove and one black leather glove on the cycle ride to work, and motorists will point and laugh at me. Oh well, they would probably have laughed at me anyway, because I really need a haircut. So I reached in my pocket for the woolly glove that I hadn't lost, only to find that I had now also lost that one.
Drat, I thought again. I've lost three gloves in the course of one morning. I wonder if that's a world record? There can't be many people who've lost three gloves in less than half an hour.
So, to make a long story slightly longer, I survived the cycle ride to and from work with only one glove, even though it was a bit cold, and when I got home I found one of the woolly gloves again. So now I have a pair, albeit a non-matching pair. Life is good.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Memories are made of this
It's a four-day Easter weekend coming up! Strangely enough, Saint-Gobain take their bank holidays on Monday and Tuesday, instead of Friday and Monday (have they no respect for the sanctity of Good Friday? I know I haven't, but employers should. And for the sanctity of the Monday after Easter too, because that's important). Still, that means that even after lunch with my brother on Saturday, and the inevitable heavy intake of alcohol that goes with it, I'll have three days to myself, which I rather think I should spend practicing the long disciplines of memory. 30-minute binary, hour cards (need to get my cards back from James, he borrowed twelve packs for the uni competitions that nobody came to) and hour numbers. And I'll post my results here, so if I don't, you'll all know I've been lazy, and can jeer at me. That's the way to get me motivated! Fear of derision!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Advertising
I sort of halfway persuaded someone to come to the Derby Memory Championship on the ten-minute train journey home today, even though he knew nothing about it beforehand, just because he asked me where I got the Blue Peter badge. I hadn't thought of the benefits the thing has for spreading the word about memory, but I can see how it could be a help. I just need to get in the habit of replying "Yes, I got it for doing an amazing memory feat, such as you yourself could do with a little practice, so why not come along to my competition in a couple of months", all in one breath, before the person has a chance to escape.
Monday, March 17, 2008
A "Zoomy Answers Your Questions" kind of thing
Welcome, one and all, to the kind of thing where I answer questions people have asked in comments to previous entries. Starting with the one that made me think it would be a good idea to answer them in a blog entry to themselves:
do you know if it [The Mentalists]'s going to be repeated, please, and if not, where might I obtain one of these DVDs?
As far as I know, there are no plans to repeat it. But then, they didn't tell me when it was on the first time until the last minute, so you never know. On the other hand, I have sent the DVDs of most of my recent TV appearances to Raggy, and when I overcome my laziness, catch up with him and find out whether he's been able to combine and copy them into multiple DVDs for anyone who wants one, I'll set about distributing them to anyone who wants. With any luck, within the next few days.
I wonder if you could give yourself extra financial motivation to prepare by placing a sufficiently large bet on yourself to win the next WMC? You could probably find one of the bookmakers who'd be willing to quote some odds
You know, that's not a bad idea. And it leads in nicely to something I've been meaning to blog about for some time now - my motivation still isn't up to the level it should be. It's not anywhere near, to be honest, and I don't know what the problem is. I can't stand the idea of not winning the WMC yet again this year, but that just isn't enough to get me practicing like I need to. I'm hoping that the competitions from May onwards will get me more in the mood, but with my very half-hearted training I've been doing for the last however many months, I'm not sure whether that might be too late to get back into it. It's worrying.
Have you ever investigated arcade emulation to play actual arcade ROMs on your PC?
Actually, I downloaded MAME last year, and I had to delete it, because I was doing nothing but playing Roadblasters and Track & Field all day and night. Horribly addictive thing. I didn't get the arcade version of Bubble Bobble, though, because it's the Master System version that I'm hooked on, and the subtle differences would be too annoying.
Come to think of it, can we interest you in trying out for the UK team for the World Puzzle Championship?
Sure, why not? I don't know why I've never looked into this one before, it's exactly my type of thing...
Is it too cheesy an analogy to compare the speed cards discipline to the hundred metres sprint, as being the one whose world record people are most likely to care about if they only care about one world record? (Then again, people used the analogy "four-minute mile" for "30-second pack of cards".)
Yes, this is another thing that deserves a blog-rant! Why did people keep calling it the four-minute-mile? The hundred metres is a much closer analogy, not just in that that's the record that people get most excited about, but because it's fast and furious, not a long grind like the mile or the hour numbers. Okay, for some reason breaking the 10-second barrier in the hundred metres didn't generate all the hoopla that breaking the 4-minute barrier for the mile did (useful How To Be Clever-style trivia - Jim Hines did the first accurately-recorded sub-ten-second 100m, on my birthday, October 14, in 1968).
Actually, having just looked him up to find out who did the first sub-ten-second hundred-metre-sprint, I'm appalled by the lack of websites praising Jim Hines. Put his name into Google and you get lots of pages about a guy who writes books about goblins. But the sprinter Jim Hines seems like a really nice guy. Someone make him more famous, please!
Have you ever considered turning your hand to seven-card stud, where the ability to memorise the upcards that have been folded would be of very great advantage?
Well, I did win a seven-card stud gold medal at the MSO one year. But that was just using my favourite strategy of not having a clue what I'm doing but being dealt really good hands every time. I prefer to play that way - somehow, using memory techniques in a poker game would make it feel like working, whereas using memory techniques in a memory competition feels like having fun. Don't ask me why.
When are you going to send me you book, man?!
I did send it to you! I'll send it again now...
Let's say you accepted a bet, and that bet was something to the effect that if you could drink all the water you wanted, but were limited to only one food to eat everyday, for an entire week, what would that one food be and why?
What am I betting here? It'd have to be something good. And when you say 'one food', do you mean the same meal, or the same general cuisine? Assuming you mean just one meal, let's say spaghetti bolognese. I like the stuff, I can eat an enormous plateful at one go, enough to last me a whole day, most likely, if there's plenty of water with it, so I wouldn't get too tired of the stuff after seven days. And it's probably good for you, contains vegetables and things, it's probably one of the healthiest things I regularly eat. As an alternative, I could live for a week on bacon double cheeseburger meals from BK. Mmmmmm... (drooling with a glazed expression)
If you could travel back in time and kill Hitler before he came to power, would you?
No, because as I mentioned a while ago when talking about that book of Stephen Fry's, doing so invariably leads to someone much nastier taking his place, Germany winning the war and some hero having to set things right again.
But even assuming I could also, just to make sure, kill off Goebbels, Strasser, Schleicher, Bormann and all those kinds of people who might cause trouble without Hitler being around, I wouldn't. I think the war served an important purpose in the progression of human history - it put an end to big armed conflict between European countries, it established things like genocide as being entirely unacceptable, and all in all, I think averting the war would really not have a beneficial effect on the world of the early 21st century. There were tensions that needed to be burnt off, Hitler brought them to a head and it wasn't pleasant for anyone, but it's all receding into the history books now.
What's a Butfore?
For pooping, silly.
Are you afraid, you book could be a success?
Terrified. Secretly, I don't want anyone to read it, in case they laugh at me and say it's rubbish. But I'd still like to be paid for it, please.
I would like to know if I could enter just one or two events [at the Cambridge Memory Championship] and not all of them?
That wasn't a blog-comment question, it was an email from a competitor, but I thought it was worth mentioning here. Yes, you can come to the Cambridge Memory Championship (May 4th, Trinity College, Cambridge) and only compete in the disciplines of your choice, but it's a lot more fun if you take part in everything. There's nothing to be afraid of, a lot of beginners are coming and nobody's going to throw rotting vegetables at you if you get an unimpressive score!
You can also come to the Derby Memory Championship (May 24-25, Bramblebrook Community Centre, Derby), if you like. It's gonna be really great, lots of publicity, cashing in on my local celebrity status!
do you know if it [The Mentalists]'s going to be repeated, please, and if not, where might I obtain one of these DVDs?
As far as I know, there are no plans to repeat it. But then, they didn't tell me when it was on the first time until the last minute, so you never know. On the other hand, I have sent the DVDs of most of my recent TV appearances to Raggy, and when I overcome my laziness, catch up with him and find out whether he's been able to combine and copy them into multiple DVDs for anyone who wants one, I'll set about distributing them to anyone who wants. With any luck, within the next few days.
I wonder if you could give yourself extra financial motivation to prepare by placing a sufficiently large bet on yourself to win the next WMC? You could probably find one of the bookmakers who'd be willing to quote some odds
You know, that's not a bad idea. And it leads in nicely to something I've been meaning to blog about for some time now - my motivation still isn't up to the level it should be. It's not anywhere near, to be honest, and I don't know what the problem is. I can't stand the idea of not winning the WMC yet again this year, but that just isn't enough to get me practicing like I need to. I'm hoping that the competitions from May onwards will get me more in the mood, but with my very half-hearted training I've been doing for the last however many months, I'm not sure whether that might be too late to get back into it. It's worrying.
Have you ever investigated arcade emulation to play actual arcade ROMs on your PC?
Actually, I downloaded MAME last year, and I had to delete it, because I was doing nothing but playing Roadblasters and Track & Field all day and night. Horribly addictive thing. I didn't get the arcade version of Bubble Bobble, though, because it's the Master System version that I'm hooked on, and the subtle differences would be too annoying.
Come to think of it, can we interest you in trying out for the UK team for the World Puzzle Championship?
Sure, why not? I don't know why I've never looked into this one before, it's exactly my type of thing...
Is it too cheesy an analogy to compare the speed cards discipline to the hundred metres sprint, as being the one whose world record people are most likely to care about if they only care about one world record? (Then again, people used the analogy "four-minute mile" for "30-second pack of cards".)
Yes, this is another thing that deserves a blog-rant! Why did people keep calling it the four-minute-mile? The hundred metres is a much closer analogy, not just in that that's the record that people get most excited about, but because it's fast and furious, not a long grind like the mile or the hour numbers. Okay, for some reason breaking the 10-second barrier in the hundred metres didn't generate all the hoopla that breaking the 4-minute barrier for the mile did (useful How To Be Clever-style trivia - Jim Hines did the first accurately-recorded sub-ten-second 100m, on my birthday, October 14, in 1968).
Actually, having just looked him up to find out who did the first sub-ten-second hundred-metre-sprint, I'm appalled by the lack of websites praising Jim Hines. Put his name into Google and you get lots of pages about a guy who writes books about goblins. But the sprinter Jim Hines seems like a really nice guy. Someone make him more famous, please!
Have you ever considered turning your hand to seven-card stud, where the ability to memorise the upcards that have been folded would be of very great advantage?
Well, I did win a seven-card stud gold medal at the MSO one year. But that was just using my favourite strategy of not having a clue what I'm doing but being dealt really good hands every time. I prefer to play that way - somehow, using memory techniques in a poker game would make it feel like working, whereas using memory techniques in a memory competition feels like having fun. Don't ask me why.
When are you going to send me you book, man?!
I did send it to you! I'll send it again now...
Let's say you accepted a bet, and that bet was something to the effect that if you could drink all the water you wanted, but were limited to only one food to eat everyday, for an entire week, what would that one food be and why?
What am I betting here? It'd have to be something good. And when you say 'one food', do you mean the same meal, or the same general cuisine? Assuming you mean just one meal, let's say spaghetti bolognese. I like the stuff, I can eat an enormous plateful at one go, enough to last me a whole day, most likely, if there's plenty of water with it, so I wouldn't get too tired of the stuff after seven days. And it's probably good for you, contains vegetables and things, it's probably one of the healthiest things I regularly eat. As an alternative, I could live for a week on bacon double cheeseburger meals from BK. Mmmmmm... (drooling with a glazed expression)
If you could travel back in time and kill Hitler before he came to power, would you?
No, because as I mentioned a while ago when talking about that book of Stephen Fry's, doing so invariably leads to someone much nastier taking his place, Germany winning the war and some hero having to set things right again.
But even assuming I could also, just to make sure, kill off Goebbels, Strasser, Schleicher, Bormann and all those kinds of people who might cause trouble without Hitler being around, I wouldn't. I think the war served an important purpose in the progression of human history - it put an end to big armed conflict between European countries, it established things like genocide as being entirely unacceptable, and all in all, I think averting the war would really not have a beneficial effect on the world of the early 21st century. There were tensions that needed to be burnt off, Hitler brought them to a head and it wasn't pleasant for anyone, but it's all receding into the history books now.
What's a Butfore?
For pooping, silly.
Are you afraid, you book could be a success?
Terrified. Secretly, I don't want anyone to read it, in case they laugh at me and say it's rubbish. But I'd still like to be paid for it, please.
I would like to know if I could enter just one or two events [at the Cambridge Memory Championship] and not all of them?
That wasn't a blog-comment question, it was an email from a competitor, but I thought it was worth mentioning here. Yes, you can come to the Cambridge Memory Championship (May 4th, Trinity College, Cambridge) and only compete in the disciplines of your choice, but it's a lot more fun if you take part in everything. There's nothing to be afraid of, a lot of beginners are coming and nobody's going to throw rotting vegetables at you if you get an unimpressive score!
You can also come to the Derby Memory Championship (May 24-25, Bramblebrook Community Centre, Derby), if you like. It's gonna be really great, lots of publicity, cashing in on my local celebrity status!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
And that's the tooth
I've got toothache and I blame my toothpaste. For reasons that I can't remember now but that probably made perfect sense, last time my brother came to visit, he brought a tube of toothpaste with him and left it with me, since mine had nearly run out. However, it was Macleans Whitening toothpaste. I disapprove quite strongly of whitening toothpastes, although my brother wasn't to know that, since I don't think I've ever mentioned to anyone that I have this unusual opinion. However, I'm actually quite pleased to see that my irrational prejudices have been borne out in this case, because I've been using the stuff for a month or so, my teeth aren't any whiter and they hurt.
Now that I've got that out of the way, I'd like to announce that tomorrow's blog entry will be a "Zoomy Answers Your Questions" kind of thing. 'Your' in this case referring to Chris Dickson, who found my blog today and posted several comments that I think merit a full and public answer in a blog post, but while I'm doing that, I thought I should make it into a full reader-mail kind of blog. So if anyone wants to ask me anything, post a comment here, and I'll answer you!
Now that I've got that out of the way, I'd like to announce that tomorrow's blog entry will be a "Zoomy Answers Your Questions" kind of thing. 'Your' in this case referring to Chris Dickson, who found my blog today and posted several comments that I think merit a full and public answer in a blog post, but while I'm doing that, I thought I should make it into a full reader-mail kind of blog. So if anyone wants to ask me anything, post a comment here, and I'll answer you!
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