The Truth About Joel Blackmur

Joel Blackmur is an othello player from Norwich, aged almost certainly over twelve, and probably under fifty unless he's unusually well-preserved. He's of very average height and has dark hair, nostrils that serve as a portal to an alternate universe where Winston Churchill is still alive, brown eyes and may or may not wear glasses.

Joel has contributed a great deal to othello opening theory over the years; openings named after him include the Aubrey, Leader's Tiger and the Octopus (the latter is seldom played nowadays as it involves a deliberate flipping error at move 1, and white illegally playing three consecutive moves at move 10). The Horse opening is named after Joel's pet horse, Terence. Terence is a talented othello player in her own right, with a particular talent for complicated midgames, although she's had little success in tournaments due mainly to her lack of opposable digits forcing her to make moves by kicking the table and hoping that the correct discs flip.

Joel is married to the supermodel Claudia Schiffer (no relation), who objects violently to the game of othello, believing it to have been invented by a man of lax morals. In order to attend tournaments, Joel has to employ an actor to impersonate him at home, and another actor to impersonate the first actor at his own home for the benefit of his own wife who disapproves of acting. The second actor is a bachelor.

Joel made history last night by becoming the first person ever to specifically request that I mention him in this blog thing. I pointed out that I don't do requests, and that anyway I mentioned him about a month ago, just before the Cambridge International. So for future reference, if anyone thinks they can get me to write about them just by asking me, they should think again.