A pitch to Dragon's Den

Bright sunshine, and summer by the pool. A man on a sun lounger, wearing swimming trunks and sunglasses, fans himself with an ornate peacock-feather fan. A second man enters, carrying a tray with two glasses of drink and a tray of ice cubes.

 

FIRST MAN: Gosh, it’s hot today!

 

SECOND MAN: You know what’s nice in hot weather? A nice cold glass of dandelion and burdock!

 

He hands a glass to the first man, who takes it and drinks.

 

FIRST MAN: Mmm, that’s nice, but it would be nicer if it was just a little colder…

 

SECOND MAN: No problem! I made a tray of ice cubes! Say when!

 

Second man starts putting ice cubes one at a time into the first man’s drink. The first man just smiles at the camera as if the scene is over. This goes on for quite a long time before fading out to a black screen.

 

 

NARRATOR: A common everyday scene. But what happens when the weather is cold, rather than hot?

 

 

Fade into the same summer scene, but the first man, still on the sun lounger, is now wrapped up in thick coats, scarves, hats, mittens and so on. He shivers, as the second man enters again, carrying a tray with two steaming mugs.

 

FIRST MAN: Gosh, it’s cold today!

 

SECOND MAN: You know what’s nice in cold weather? A nice hot mug of camomile tea!

  

He hands a mug to the first man, who takes it and drinks.

 

               FIRST MAN: Mmm, that’s nice, but it would be nicer if it was just a little hotter…

 

               SECOND MAN: Sorry, that’s as hot as it gets.

 

They stand awkwardly, looking at the camera, until the scene eventually fades to black.

 

 

               NARRATOR: Clearly, something needs to be done about this.

 

 

Fade into a school chemistry lab, in which a group of interested twelve-year-olds are watching a teacher demonstrating the workings of a pair of taps on a sink.

 

 NARRATOR: As we all learned in school, there are two kinds of water: “hot” and “cold”.

 

 

Cut to a kitchen, where a woman fills an ice cube tray with water from the cold tap. As the narrator talks, she carefully carries the tray out of the kitchen, through a dining room, through a living room where a family are sitting on a sofa watching darts on TV, through another dining room, and up a small flight of stairs to a freezer on the landing. She opens it and puts the ice cube tray inside.

 

NARRATOR: And most of us have one of these in our household too: an “ice cube making tray”. After we give it a drink of water, we take it to the freezer, put it inside, wait for a little while, and open the freezer to find that the tray has made cold ice, for us to put in our drinks!

 

The woman waits by the freezer, tapping her foot and looking at her watch for a few seconds, then opens the freezer again, takes out a tray of ice cubes and shows it to the camera.

 

 

Cut back to the same kitchen. The woman this time fills the tray from the hot tap, carries it out of an external door, across a lawn and over to an oven, which she opens and puts the tray inside.

 

NARRATOR: But what happens when we try to use the same technology to make hot ice? Well, our housewife is going to be sadly disappointed when she opens the oven…

 

The woman opens the oven door and reacts with disappointment. The camera closes in to find that the oven is entirely empty, with no tray or ice in evidence.

 

 

Cut to a laboratory full of bubbling test tubes and beakers of colourful liquid. The narrator, dressed in scientist clothes and a large false beard, stands behind the table and addresses the camera. She picks up an empty ice cube tray and shows it to the camera, then repeatedly ducks under the table to reappear with a series of other objects – small radio, television, large model vehicles – which she holds up to the camera as she mentions them.

 

NARRATOR: Ice, as we know it, only comes in one variety: “cold”. Technology has not yet reached the point where we can enjoy hot ice in our drinks on a cold winter’s day. The problem, you see, is that the old-fashioned ice cube making tray is like a radio – it can only make sounds, and not pictures. So to get pictures as well as sounds, we invented the television. It’s like a car, that can only go along the ground and not in the air. So to get in the air as well as on the ground, we invented the aeroplane. Or it’s like a boat, which can only go on the water. So to go on the water and also on the ground, we invented the hovercraft.

 

The narrator ducks down underneath the table again and doesn’t reappear, as another narrator dressed as a scientist walks in, holding a collecting tin and jangling the coins in it.

 

SECOND NARRATOR: It is clearly possible for scientists to invent a hot ice cube making tray. It will probably cost about a million pounds, give or take. I mean, it might be less – how hard can it be to invent things, once we’ve already told them what they need to invent? Coming up with the idea is the difficult bit. But if you give us a million quid, and there’s anything left over at the end, we’ll buy you a drink with the change. And put some ice in it, too! Hot or cold!

 

The narrator laughs extensively until the scene finally fades to black.