In the fifteen years of its existence, the World Memory Championship has spawned many memorable world champions. Some of the most interesting are described here:
Rotisserie Vasquez (World Memory Champion 1654-1659) was conspicuous for his unusual hairstyle, refusal to wear clothing and utter disdain and loathing for every other competitor at the World Championships. He filed official complaints with the IFRS (the predecessor of the WMSC) on several occasions, saying that it was ‘unreasonable’ to expect him to have to compete against other human beings. He wrote several worst-selling books expanding on this theory, revolving around the general idea that the World Memory Championship each year should consist of himself in an empty room, performing whatever memory feat he saw fit, and telling the arbiters afterwards what he had done. In fairness, Vasquez was genuinely the greatest memoriser of his time. His achievements seem modest by 21st-century standards (his world record for memorising a pack of cards was seven years, three hundred and twenty-four days), but he outshone the other notable competitors of the sixteen-fifties by some margin, and seldom resorted to violence in his pursuit of the title.
Galadria Ntemi (World Memory Champion 1832, 1835, 1846, 1953) first competed in the world championships three weeks before her birth in 1827, finishing a creditable 7th out of 98 competitors. Dedicating herself to memory sports from an early age, she refused to speak to or acknowledge the existence of anyone or anything not directly related to the World Memory Championship, and astounded the pre-Victorian world with her capacity for recall of binary numbers, setting a world record of seventeen digits in thirty minutes in the course of winning her first championship in 1832. Prevented from competing in the majority of World Championships in the following years by repeated unrelated kidnappings by octopi (it has been speculated that she exuded a sort of pheromone irresistible to cephalopods), she nonetheless won with ease two more titles before drowning at the age of nineteen. Reincarnated in 1932 as a Glasgow fishwife, she struggled to adapt to the new century's advances in memory techniques, finishing in the top five every year for fifty-seven years, but only winning one more world title, in 1953 (aided by the ironic kidnapping by octopi of reigning champion and hot favourite Politesse Perkins).
Pippi Langstrumpf (World Memory Champion 1724-1739, 1815), who despite his name was male, was one of the two World Champions to hold the title without ever memorising anything. He inherited the title from his mother, Raymond Langstrumpf, during the period when the title of World Memory Champion was hereditary, rather than a contest of skill. Popular among memorisers, he attended the World Championship every year of his reign, but declined offers to compete, protesting that he was far too stupid. Eventually, it was decided that the hereditary title was unfair on the competitors and it reverted to a merit-based honour, after which Pippi retired from memory sports. He was awarded the 1815 title, nearly fifty years after his death, for largely political reasons.
Etsuko Teranishi (World Memory Champion 1901) was described by her predecessor "Le Clopinel", who had forgotten his glasses on every occasion the two memorisers met, as "the largest man I have ever seen, with towering beard and ears like goldfish". She in fact stood less than three feet tall and had ears more resembling bream, but her memory power was unquestionable. In the 1899 World Championship she astounded the competitors and spectators by memorising a three-digit number in five minutes, shattering the previous record of two, and followed it up with another world record of seven random words in fifteen minutes. She would probably have won the World Championship comfortably, had she not suffered a near-fatal heart attack during dinner on the second day which left her in a coma for eighteen months. Returning in 1901, not yet fully recovered and suffering lengthy bouts of unconsciousness during the competition, she won nonetheless when all the other competitors were kidnapped by octopi, surviving just long enough to receive the trophy before expiring.
All these champions and many more can be found in the Big Book Of The World Memory Championships, priced £352.95 in all good bookshops, and 27p in bad ones.
Bravo! ;o)
ReplyDeleteHe was awarded the 1815 title, nearly fifty years after his death, for largely political reasons.
ReplyDelete*giggle* Worryingly plausible...
I think you've done rather well to write that parody without creating fictional versions of certain persons that I doubt I would have been able to stop myself from including.